Reply to Anyone else ever feel just, plain sad that they got divorced?

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Reply to "Anyone else ever feel just, plain sad that they got divorced?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well sure. It's hard to fail at something so major in life.[/quote]

Most therapists will try to tell you that a divorce is not a failure. [/quote]

I don't see it as a failure.  You can't force feelings and it isn't something you can work hard at to make something out of nothing.  If the emotional connection isn't there....it isn't there.  Failure is just sticking around unhappy but patting yourself on the back for sticking with it for years.[/quote]

I agree you can't force feelings.  But equally, exiting the marriage because you are not willing to do the work to bring that back is cowardice.
After all, if all it takes to get two people to fall in love is to answer 20 questions while looking into each other's eyes.
http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/modern-love-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this.html?referer=&_r=0[/quote]

I tried the questions quiz with my husband.  I thought it was profound.  He did not and he started an affair within a week of that experience.  It takes two people to try, and sometimes one person just has no desire to make things better.  My husband blames me for basically everything wrong in our marriage and, despite counseling, sees himself as the victim because I was not who he wanted me to be (nothing abusive or terrible - just that I was not very physically affectionate re: hugs, etc., - we had lots of sex).  I am staying for now and trying everything I can so that, if it doesn't work, I know I have done everything I can.  I am hoping he will come around, but that is not up to me.  But it's not cowardice to leave if someone refuses to work with you.[/quote]

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