Reply to My husband left today. Tell me I'm better off without him.

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Reply to "My husband left today. Tell me I'm better off without him."

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[quote=Anonymous]OP-my sis went through something similar, and she is as sweet and patient as you seem to be.  XH had mental issues and they moved multiple times for him in hopes it would help, and paid for tons of therapy for him (she earned 3x his $.)  when he confessed he had been having a 2 year affair she decided to cut her losses.  even though they have a dd, my sis is definitely better off.  he has leveled out at times, but he also goes through crazy drama (especially with crazy mistresses, and lets face it, most mistresses are crazy) and she and her daughter are more insulated from it.  the drama with the AP is likely just the beginning.  at this point, you have to focus on taking care of your kids.  you need to limit your liability exposure. think of it as having a crazy business partner that you still need to work with for the next 18 years. my sis shares custody, b/c we believe its in the best interest for the kid, and b/c a legal custody battle is a nightmare, and courts are very reluctant to limit custody (even in cases of mental issue.)  contact a mediator to draw up initial separation papers.  if you can, keep it with a mediator and keep things as civil as possible to save money on legal fees and due to his unstable mental state.  (this may feel less threatening to him) sounds like he is in a tailspin, so without alarming him, start building firewalls, the sooner you get a separation agreement in place the sooner you will be limited by the liability of his behavior (i.e. if he gets sued you are both exposed right now.)  recognize that his behavior is something you cannot control.  i realize this is all a shock but you need to move quickly.  regarding your daughter, my niece was about your daughters age, and actually, younger kids handle separation better.  obviously, don't poison her on her dad-he can still be her hero, thats fine and will make things easier for now (sounds like you already know how to be generous.) she will work out her relationship with her on her own, in her own time.  best of luck to you, it will get better, i promise.  my sis had to downsize her house and live frugally for a few years, but it was well worth having her life under control again.  i'm very sorry you are going through this.  i hope you have a sister/friends/family who you can talk to.  good luck to you.[/quote]

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