You're better off without him. He sounds unstable and like a roller coaster changing his mind all the time and being irresponsible while you were either pregnant or with your kid in the ICU. It may not seem like it now, but you dodged a bullet, and he's doing you a favor letting you have the kids. They will be better off without his influence. My husband threatened to move out and hasn't, and it's a stressful environment. You are lucky you have a supportive family.

Yes, you are better off. I know it is difficult for you now and maybe for awhile, but you are better off. A woman without a man like a fish without a bicycle.

Go for counselling immediately. You are a stronger than you think you are. It is a process and it doesn't happen overnight. Do not blame yourself because this is all on him.

I wish you well.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are better off. No advice, just hugs. Hang in there.

+1

OP you and your kids deserve more, can do better. Life will get better. Get though the tough, and take charge of your future. You are strong. You deserve love. Peace to you.

You deserve so much better. This is going to hurt. But then you will heal. And you will be stronger and happier.

Talk to a therapist about the best way to guide your kids through the divorce. It's very helpful to get a professional opinion on this. Big hugs.

He's a liability, not an asset.

Buh-bye.

Get him to sign a PSA immediately. There's a DCUM thread, things I wish I put in my divorce. Can't find it now but you should look at it. Talk to lawyer immediately. You need the power to protect your kids from crazy dad.

You can always decide later if you want to reconcile.

OP its obvious and has been said, of course yes, you're better off without this clown.

I would be wary of describing yourself as "sweet and easy" too much though. People are complex, ALWAYS. And the only female friends who have ever described themselves as "kind and nice" or the equivalent, often have not been so at all.

Anonymous wrote:He's not taking care of himself, he can't be a proper husband or father. You're better off. Personally, the gamin habit alone would be enough for me to tell him good riddance, but he's WAY beyond that.

Yes, just what DCUM needs, another pro-vs-anti gaming thread.

Ouch@ called and said he loved her.

Anonymous wrote:Flame aeay, but bipolar people should not have children or get married. They are THE WORST. Your are much better off. He has done you an enormous favor. You don't realize it now, but you will eventually.

God only knows the crap he has done that you are not aware of. Probably would be blood curdling. Beware, he will come crawling back, but have the will to resist. These maniacs have no idea what they want and rarely stay on medication.

Well said, and I can guarantee he's done some pretty bad stuff she hasn't found out about.

The best way to look at this is putting your kids first. Why would you want them to see how he treats you, and them. He not only cheated on them but you as well, and risked your life with deadly STD's. I've had friends that stay with creeps because it's a financial reality so I understand your fear. Going to counseling is often a waste with guys like this because the real truth is you picked a bad partner and father for your kids. Many do so don't feel guilty. He isn't going to change.

Without a doubt you need to keep him out of your life except for child exchanges.

Of course you're better off without him, why would you even need to ask. He sounds horrible and your kids deserve a much better life even if that means you being a single mom.

OP, I'm sorry you and your kids are dealing with this. It doesn't sound like your marriage was working at all, so yes, you are better off ending this nightmare. Wish your ex health and happiness and move on in a different direction. It is really for the best. Take care of you and your children.

OP-my sis went through something similar, and she is as sweet and patient as you seem to be. XH had mental issues and they moved multiple times for him in hopes it would help, and paid for tons of therapy for him (she earned 3x his $.) when he confessed he had been having a 2 year affair she decided to cut her losses. even though they have a dd, my sis is definitely better off. he has leveled out at times, but he also goes through crazy drama (especially with crazy mistresses, and lets face it, most mistresses are crazy) and she and her daughter are more insulated from it. the drama with the AP is likely just the beginning. at this point, you have to focus on taking care of your kids. you need to limit your liability exposure. think of it as having a crazy business partner that you still need to work with for the next 18 years. my sis shares custody, b/c we believe its in the best interest for the kid, and b/c a legal custody battle is a nightmare, and courts are very reluctant to limit custody (even in cases of mental issue.) contact a mediator to draw up initial separation papers. if you can, keep it with a mediator and keep things as civil as possible to save money on legal fees and due to his unstable mental state. (this may feel less threatening to him) sounds like he is in a tailspin, so without alarming him, start building firewalls, the sooner you get a separation agreement in place the sooner you will be limited by the liability of his behavior (i.e. if he gets sued you are both exposed right now.) recognize that his behavior is something you cannot control. i realize this is all a shock but you need to move quickly. regarding your daughter, my niece was about your daughters age, and actually, younger kids handle separation better. obviously, don't poison her on her dad-he can still be her hero, thats fine and will make things easier for now (sounds like you already know how to be generous.) she will work out her relationship with her on her own, in her own time. best of luck to you, it will get better, i promise. my sis had to downsize her house and live frugally for a few years, but it was well worth having her life under control again. i'm very sorry you are going through this. i hope you have a sister/friends/family who you can talk to. good luck to you.

{{{{Hugs}}}} to you OP! It is going to hurt and be the hardest thing to go through but you will survive and thrive! Focus on the love you have for your kids and you will make it through this. Good luck dear!