Reply to I'm not sure if I want to marry my fiancé

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For some reason, I am not excited about marrying my fiancé. I don't spend hours thinking about how my name wil sound with his last name or dream of being his Mrs or anything like that. I'm not giddy at the thought of walking down the aisle or something.

He's a great guy who I know will be an excellent husband. I just can't get excited to marry him.[/quote]

OP I was like you I didn't doodle our names together or spend hours dreaming of me walking down the aisle.

I dated plenty of great guys who are  likely great husbands to someone the difference is  when it came to my now DH as not just a great guy but as a very specific person I wanted in my life. I saw him as the one I wanted to parent children with, I saw him as someone I wanted beside when times were tough etc.

I was excited to marry him in the sense of it being our official start of life together, but there was no twirling around in the mirror for me .

Nearly 10 years in and I still feel the same way.

I guess what I'm saying not feeling giddy about your dress or changing your name isn't an automatic red flag.
But, if you don't have any feelings about him that are specific to him, that makes him special to you, you may want to take some time to figure out if he'd for you or if you're marrying him because  he's good enough  and you've been dating  X amount of time.
Marriage is really, really, really hard don't do it if you aren't 100% sure.[/quote]

This is great.  If you think, "Oh, he'll make a good husband," that's a problem.  If you think, "I'm really looking forward to building a family with him," or "I'm so glad this person is going to be in my life forever," or something specific to him.  I wasn't giddy and twirling, either, but I did think about the specific things I liked about my husband, got excited thinking about the specific trips we would take together and how much fun it would be to explore X city with him, thought about the ways that we complemented each other, etc.  When I read a great book, I would look forward to talking with him about it.  When I saw something I thought he'd like, I would look forward to sharing it with him.  [/quote]

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