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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

What was the staff for, if mom was doing all the work? 
Your mother's generation is pretty different from what I see now--which is that most of the partners at DH's firm have spouses who are also professionals and who do not SAH. Some might work part-time, but most are also practicing attorneys, quite a few physicians, a handful of professors, some who work for major not-for-profits, etc. We are able to do this while our spouses manage to make partner. While it is true that these professions are generally more flexible that biglaw, they are unmistakably professional careers. I think it's a matter of being efficient with time, using household help strategically, and very importantly, having a spouse who works in biglaw who is genuinely committed to spending time with his family. If you have a SAH spouse who is not efficient or have a lawyer spouse who can't figure out how to schedule a calendar to make time for family, then you probably do need a SAH. This is especially true once you have kids who are all in school full-time, then SAH is nice, but definitely not necessary.
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Ahhhh. Let the blame-casting begin.  First blame SAHM for being too lazy -- why does she need any help if she is SAHM?  Answer -- my mom scrubbed plenty of toilets and did endless loads of laundry, but she didn't also mow the lawn, trim the trees, fix the leaky toilet, or renovate the house nor was she able to be in 3 separate locations with her 3 different kids.  She used other staff for that.  And, let me tell you, she was plenty organized.  The woman could run logistics for the US Army. And, BTW, even when we were old enough to be in school full-time, her 3 kids still had plenty of sick days, school holidays, etc. between them.

If it doesn't work to blame the woman, then we must blame the man.  He doesn't care enough about family, so he chooses to spend all that time at work because he doesn't want to be at home.  The idea that professional attorneys (or other professionals) can schedule their time to include family may be true for some practice areas but is not true for all, just like some dermatologists have more control of their practice hours than say cardiac surgeons.    The reality is that Dad founded his own highly successful boutique law firm after leaving a high level political appointment.  He was responsible for making sure dozens of other people stayed employed, so you can bet that he allowed himself to be at the beck and call of clients globally.  Then dad merged his firm with another BigLaw firm.  Also, still at clients' beck and call around the world.   My husband also works internationally and sometimes gets  just 3 days notice to be away for 6 weeks.  We all make choices about what we do, and some of us still work at careers that don't combine well with kids, so one person opts to stay home.

Please, I accept that some women manage to combine good careers with raising kids, and they have all kinds of creative ways of doing so.  Why is the SAHM and H of the SAHM still looked down upon?  SAHM is stereotyped as lazy or unorganized.  H of SAHM is also stereotyped as unorganized and uncaring about his family.  Until we value the unpaid work of raising children, maintaining the household and maintaining family ties, no matter which sex is doing it, we are never going to have true partnership and equality. [/quote]

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