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[quote=Anonymous]Both of my parents are dead now (my mom just a couple of months ago) so that changes my perspective, but yes, I supported both of them to a degree, and with varying levels of resentment.

Neither of them saved a dime for retirement.  Neither had assets.  But they both had Social Security, thank God.  My dad was 20 years older than my mom, and he worked until he was 80.  From his late 70's until he died in his early 80's, I sent him about $200/month to pay for prescriptions that Medicare wouldn't pay.

I moved back home with him when he went into home hospice and took care of him for nearly 2 years.  He was appreciative and kind and really worked very, very hard until he was physically unable to.  They made bad choices in terms of never saving, but it's not like they lived extravagant lifestyles or expected me to subsidize luxury.

My mom I was more resentful about.  She went through long periods of unemployment and really just expected my dad to take care of her.  She also was a more difficult person, with mental illnesses and personality disorders that made her angry, resentful, and generally unpleasant a lot.    My help for her primarily involved dealing with paperwork and social services to get her into a nursing home when the time came.  She did ask for financial help in the form of cash occasionally, and I'm sorry to say that I refused her more often than not.

Her last request was that I send her $50 a month so she could get her hair done.   I decimated my life savings to care for my dad, so I am just rebuilding my own retirement savings, and to me $600/year was substantial.  I could have afforded it but I chose not to...I don't even spend that much on my own hair, and I resented sending it to my mom for hers.  At the time, I was also thinking she'd live another 10 years and I felt resentful at the thought of 6 grand disappearing down a hairdresser's sink.

Now I really regret it.  She's dead, and that small sacrifice would have meant a lot to her.  Yes, I was really resentful of her bad choices and bad attitude, but now I have to live with the feeling of being a bad daughter...forever.  $600/year would have been a small price to pay to avoid that.  [/quote]

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