Reply to Fiance, family , marriage, and history of sexual abuse.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

OP - The length of the abuse your fiance experienced continued for way too long for other family members not to have known and became too much a part of life as he new it to be.  Think about it that his entire construct of what a father(step dad) and son's relationship is was based on abuse for over a decade.  You mentioned he said it was over 20 eyars ago - which means he is in his late 30s and probably there is again good reasons that he has never had a permanent relationship.  He may very well love and trust you as no other in mentioning the abuse for the first time - BUT AGAIN, it came out in a moment of stress - not entirely in a moment of open and normal communication with someone you were going to marry.  He needs professional help to be able to look at the past , the present relationship with his family before moving on to any kind of future with you or anyone. I know you do not want to hear this, but are you really sure the best move is to keep the June wedding date against all the very real possible unknowns in the future.  There are tough questions you and your fiance would need to be able to answer:  How will you both explain and will DH agree that no child be left alone in the care of his parents? Will you be able to trust him as a DH alone with your child?  etc. etc.  Again he was the victim, but you will become the victim, too, if both of you do not explore this situation iwith professional help.[/quote]

OP here. I trust my fiance and have no reason to believe he would ever harm a child. I agree with you that counseling is needed for both of us, for right now I'm okay with just me going.  I doesn't feel right to call of the wedding, to me it seems like I would be punishing him or rejecting him for telling the truth.  I'm willing to give him a little bit of time. Maybe he should have told me sooner, but we are where we are. It's sort of out in the open now, which is a good thing, right? I'm lost in this myself, my hope is that somehow, we can come out of this together, so for now I'm going to talk to a therapist and go from there.[/quote]

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