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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not sure how old your toddler is, but would you be ok with DH taking her up for a visit without you?  What about saying you're going to visit x tourist place or y playground during the visit because DD will need to burn off some energy?

Or have DH ask them down and say very clearly in advance that you have some plans during that time that you need to follow (or you and DD, so you get some time with your kid and DH can handle his parents alone)?

I think you've got to start being a little creative about breaking up the dynamic.  I definitely see how your MIL's actions were particularly annoying when you're never given space at all.  Find a positive way to take it![/quote]

My husband has been inching toward being comfortable with me establishing some work-arounds and boundaries. He started out with the attitude that "this is the way it is done in my family," but I think him being around my family--and hearing thoughts from my SIL and her wife--he is starting to realize that we all, together, need to create a family dynamic, not just have MIL and FIL dictate a family dynamic.

He's taken two trips up to see them with DD on his own. We've managed to skip one "MANDATORY" family beach weekend because we had a wedding out of town the weekend before, and a huge work event for me the weekend after, and it was just too much. (This was a big ordeal--but he helped me stand our ground, and we did it.) The last time we were at his parents' house for Thanksgiving, I convinced him that he and I should take his 18-year-old shy/socially awkward cousin out for pizza and to see "The Hunger Games" as a fun little outing after DD was asleep instead of sitting around in THE FAMILY CIRCLE for hour after hour that evening. (Which was awesome because the cousin came out of his shell and talked a lot, and I think it strengthened their bond.) So having my husband recognize that we should participate in creating a family-time dynamic that is comfortable for us, too, rather than just accepting "the way it is" has been helpful.

But we're not there yet...[/quote]

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