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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]or you could try making her feel included in common areas instead of hiding out in the bedroom with her granddaughter and then getting all put out when she wants to join in.  jerk.

signed, a DIL[/quote]

OP here. I wasn't "hiding out." After serving a great breakfast, I took a shower while they played, then when the other adults showered and dressed, we made the bed and had playtime.

They've been here for more than a week. I've cooked, we've done activities, we've chatted, we've gotten a sitter and then taken them out to dinner...

How about give us 20 minutes alone, knock, and get off my BED?![/quote]

Yeah, your MIL was out of line.  There's no reason for her to go in the master bedroom, and it's really ok to have a few minutes alone with your kid.

Did you say anything?  The only thing I can think of would be an instant response as soon as she started to go through the door saying, "We'll be down in a minute!"  But that's hindsight.  I would be so shocked if my MIL did this, I wouldn't really know what to do.[/quote]

OP here. In re: some previous posts, I wasn't feeding a baby...I don't know how that got inferred. I was playing on a made bed with a toddler, and the door was only open a very small crack. We had been "social" and inclusive the whole visit...we had already all spent a LOT of time together. I had just showered/dressed, and was playing with DD while the other adults showered and dressed.

Anyway, to the point above. I didn't say anything. I simply got up quickly and said, "Let's go play downstairs." It really wasn't that big a deal (the actual "incident"), but I just needed a harmless little outlet for my momentary frustration (this thread).

The bigger issue with her is just boundaries in general. Of any kind. She just doesn't respect them. Examples:
1) She calls and texts numerous times every time we make up the drive to see them to ask where we are/how we're doing/what time we'll arrive. (It's not a long trip, but long enough that it's annoying to get multiple calls.) We've asked her not to do that because it's not exactly safe, and the at-the-time baby needed the car sleep, and it's just annoying, etc. She refuses to stop making those calls. We just ignore them now. We call or text to let them know when we leave, and give a general expected arrival time. If we hit traffic or something, we give an update. It's just enough, already. But the phone is still ringing/buzzing...

2) When I was breastfeeding, she always wanted to be in the room, even though I was not comfortable with that. She'd peek in. She'd ask to come in. I'd always say no. She'd say "but [name-of-friend's daughter] doesn't mind." Well, I do. It's a boundary. I'll see you in 20 minutes. It's not a big deal.

3) When we visit/they visit, she and my FIL really do expect to spend every minute together. Holidays=everyone sits in a circle in one room ALL DAY, and it is considered rude to have even a magazine or look at your phone/iPad. "We should be chatting." As a result, the conversation is really repetitive, and it's just stifling. No one else but her and my FIL want the dynamic to be that way, but my husband and his sister just give into it, so my SIL's wife and I have to give into it, too. If someone leaves to even go to the bathroom, they are accused of "disappearing." So there are no social boundaries, as it were.

I know that, taken individually, all these things are small/petty. But they add up. She doesn't respect boundaries. I feel like she doesn't listen to me or respect me. I feel like she doesn't see me as an individual in my own right, but rather as someone who should conform to her standards/rules/way of thinking. So anyway, we have a generally good relationship, and I do actually like her, but sometimes I just need to vent into the void a little bit.[/quote]

I'm a PP who thought the demarcation of the "marriage bed" as sacred was weird, but I agree with you that, taken together, these definitely present some boundary issues.  I too would feel stifled.

I don't think anyone thought you were feeding a baby.  A different poster chimed in with a complaint that her MIL won't leave the room when she wants to nurse (though it doesn't sound like she made clear to the MIL that she was uncomfortable nursing in front of her).[/quote]

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