Reply to S/O Elder care for parents who didn't provide child care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think it should be tit for tat, as you seem to expect, OP. If your MIL was a loving, supportive mother to your DH, I think you two absolutely owe her your loyalty and support - it's a matter of respect. An [b]old lady [/b]who wants to spend her days as she sees fit has more than earned her right to do so. You shouldn't have to raise TWO generations of children to "earn your keep" as matriarch. If she was neglectful or abusive in raising your DH, I can see why you'd be hesitant - but are you seriously saying that because she won't watch your kid she doesn't deserve to be taken care of later in life?[/quote]

She is 59.  Not an "old lady" by any measure.[/quote]

This. A 59 year old woman has no more right to sit on her ass and refuse to support herself or her husband than a 30 year old woman does. She is not sick or disabled. She is not old. She is in her late middle age.

She has 9-10 good working years left. She should go to work and shove as much as she can into a 401(k). Even at a minimum wage job at a place like Walmart, she could get some savings to help cushion the retirement blow. FIL should also start maximizing his 401(k) immediately.  Between the two of them, they can get some money to help with their retirement issues.

They should also start looking at the cheapest places that they can retire.  If they have a house, the sale of their house in an expensive market and the purchase of a house in a cheap market could go a long way to funding retirement.

DH and the ILs and maybe a financial planner need to sit down and talk about it.

If OP doesn't want to support her ILs, she should make it clear to her DH that she is not willing to sacrifice the financial security of her children and herself for the ILs when they are unwilling to contribute to their own retirement.  If they are willing to contribute to their own retirement, she might want to chip in some money, just to keep the peace. [/quote]

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