Reply to S/O Elder care for parents who didn't provide child care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think it should be tit for tat, as you seem to expect, OP. If your MIL was a loving, supportive mother to your DH, I think you two absolutely owe her your loyalty and support - it's a matter of respect. [b]An old lady who wants to spend her days as she sees fit has more than earned her right to do so.[/b] You shouldn't have to raise TWO generations of children to "earn your keep" as matriarch. If she was neglectful or abusive in raising your DH, I can see why you'd be hesitant - but are you seriously saying that because she won't watch your kid she doesn't deserve to be taken care of later in life?[/quote]

Sure, but then she doesn't get to assume that she'll get to move in with her son and his wife.

No one is "owed" anything in this world. [b]We all have to be useful and inspire love and respect if we want to be in a respected position like "matriarch." MIL is doing a bad job of that. [/b][/quote]
You're on to something here. If my in laws had not been able to save for retirement or pay for college and had tried their best, that would be one thing. They have spent life doing what is easiest. Spending all their money instead of putting some away. MIL refusing to work long after the kids no longer needed care. Even buying more house than they could afford just because they like to show off. Talking shit about me because kicking someone who appears passive is fun and easier than building a good relationship. Then refusing to pay it forward by helping out with their grandkid. I don't respect any of their decisions or perceive them with the warmth that would enable me to feel good about helping them. On some level, helping them now would feel like rewarding assholes for being assholes. If someone is going to rely on me, least they can do is help me feel good about it.

-OP[/quote]

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