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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a DW and the lower libido spouse in my relationship.  I do think your wife should be making more of an effort - just lying there during sex is not cool.  I found that once my husband and I got into a groove of more sex (twice a week), that I started wanting it more.  It's getting over the initial hurdle that's tough.  What worked for us was my husband offering lots of physical affection but upfront saying that he wasn't looking for sex.  That took the pressure off and let me relax, which ultimately led me to want to have sex.  But you have to be completely genuine that you're not looking for sex at that moment.  Here's what worked for us:

- DH giving full body massage.  I had to get naked but he didn't want sex.  Just wanted to give me a good massage and get to touch my body.  Win-win.  Most times, after being touched while naked and completely relaxed, I was begging him for sex.

- DH saying he just wanted to make out a bit.  It was fun to feel like teenagers just kissing.  But of course, that does awaken things.

The key is to truly convince her that you're not just trying to get sex though.   Hope this helps![/quote]

This is excellent advice.[/quote]

Another low libido partner here and I want to +100 the above as well. For me, part of the problem is a lack of overall physical intimacy and affection, so anytime my partner touches me it's because he wants to have sex. There's no more playful kissing or hugging or making out, etc. I'm supposed to just be "on" like he is. The foreplay before actual sex is fine but for me, that foreplay needs to be scattered throughout our lives in a way, if that makes sense.

Good luck, hope you guys figure it out.[/quote]

OP here - what is the best way to communicate that I am ok with physical intimacy and affection that doesn't lead to sex? I really am ok with it.  I am not sure she would believe me.  And if I give her a massage or a foot rub and she offers me something in return, I should decline?

I swear I am not this clueless in the seduction department.  This stuff came much easier to me when I was single and dating, but then again, so did the ripping each other's clothes off post-date which is sadly gone from my life likely forever.[/quote]

I'm the poster who originally suggested this.  I would just say that you'd like to give her a proper massage, no funny business, you're not angling for sex, and that you just want to make her feel good.  She'll most likely give you a skeptical look and you reiterate that you're not in the mood for sex but that you want to touch her body and give her a good massage.  Then if she offers sex, say "really, I'm not looking for sex.  Are you enjoying the massage?  Good, that's what I want."  If she insists, well then go for it.  I think if you're patient, after a couple massages she will want to have sex with you and insist on it.  At least that was the case for me.[/quote]

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