Reply to Baby is heading to daycare- how can I help my wife cope?

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Reply to "Baby is heading to daycare- how can I help my wife cope?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP,

Don't let the pro nanny posters freak you out.  It certainly works well for some.  However, the kids I saw that switched from a nanny or SAHM at 2 like some are suggesting had a really hard transition.  And I mean hard like crying for long periods of time and one little boy who refused to take off his backpack all day because he "wasn't staying"  someone was coming to pick him up.  Now, 40 people will chime in and say their kid went to center based or home daycare at age 2 and they never shed a tear.  My experience was different at the two daycares we used and several friends who transitioned a child to daycare had the heartbreaking experience of a tough adjustment so my best advice is to start at a center as you have planned.

We opted for center based daycare over home daycare or a nanny and it was a great experience for us.  We were lucky in that my mom looked after our child for a short period before she went to daycare.  What helped me a lot was going back to work PT for two weeks and then having Thanksgiving.  I worked FT for another few weeks and then my mom went out of town on a pre-planned trip and my husband took two weeks off and stayed home with her.  I credit this length of time with really cementing their relationship.  He did everything.  He fed, burped, changed, played, put her to bed, the works.  From that point on, he has never hesitated to take over her care at any age.  Priceless.

I also really recommend that you do most of the drop offs until your wife gets her feet on the ground.  I liked the happy reunion feeling more than the gnawing anxiety of drop off.  And drop off feelings did not impact my husband as much.  On the days I did drop off, my husband would pick up and they would often go to the grocery store or dry cleaner or some other errand type outing.  He would always have some funny story about their outing.

Take over something.  Grocery shopping, cooking dinner, laundry.  Those are the big ones.  Pick one and do it.

Make plans.  I always appreciated when my husband took one for the team and dealt with taking baby to visit MIL or having her over without me having to be there.  We began inviting MIL over on Sunday afternoon pretty regularly.  She played with baby while my husband caught up on work and I went out alone to run errands, get my nails done, exercise, meet friends, etc.  My husband also spent years taking baby/toddler/preschooler to the gym early Saturday morning so I could sleep in.

Say nice things to her.  "She looks so happy!  That's all you!"  "His smile reminds me of yours."  This is one thing I do for my husband.  He loves hearing my approval or my belief in his parenting skills.  [/quote]

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