Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry to hear this. No easy answer here.
Whatever your wife is feeling is very valid. This is a sacrifice and it is something that you have to live with. Over some time it will be the new normal. You will be ok, your wife will be ok, your kid will be ok.
Yes, there are moments you will miss and you will realize that you only have finite time with your kids. However, poverty is worse than daycare. If your wife needs to work - then she should stop feeling guilty.
Yes, Having a Nanny is a great option, but there is the danger of her being abusive and negligent. So, in that way a good daycare is safer. Yet, children fall ill all the time in the daycare unlike kids who are at home.
Best options are a grandma who takes care of the baby with the help of a nanny. Or your wife working from home. I am sure you have thought through all the scenarios and you are doing the very best.
It is hard and there will be a lot of guilt. A mom who stays at home with the kid and nurtures him/her is the best option by far for the kid. However, it may mean a drop in HHI, no safety net, difficulty in finding a job after being a SAHM etc.
Best of luck.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We are getting ready to send our infant to daycare next month. How can I help my wife cope with the transition?
Split drop off and pick up. If you do drop off and she does pick up- arrange to do pick up once a week- so she doesn't have leave work on time everyday if something crops up- or so she can take an extra hour or two catching up on things (work or personal errands).
Assess what each person is doing at home and make sure it is split evenly. Doing laundry or the grocery shopping and cooking are great things for the DH to do.
Do a daily pick up and organization of things around the house. 20 minutes each day- can be in the morning or afternoon- bambino can help in a year or two. Wear baby as you do it if need be.
If you do drop off and leave house after DW, set the table for dinner before you leave. Start a laundry load before you leave. Whomever gets home first, puts it in the dryer, then you fold it before bed. One load a day and you will keep up (at least until rotovirus hits).
Hire an every other week (or weekly) cleaning person.
Be the person daycare calls first to pick up in case of sickness- be the first line of defense.
Take turns on sick days, even if it loses points at your office.
Go to the well baby appointments- or split them. Later on, one parent takes the dentist and the other takes the annual physical.
Establish a weekly date night early- even if it moves to every other week or monthly- don't stop.
Bring home flowers from time to time- just because.
A mom who stays at home with the kid and nurtures him/her is the best option by far for the kid.
Anonymous wrote:Stay at home.
Anonymous wrote:Help with things in the evening/morning to give her more time with the baby. DH would make dinner while I nursed, wash pump parts, pack the daycare bag. It was a really rough transition for me and I appreciated that DH would take over the housekeeping stuff.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I know this is not what you want to hear but here is my story.
When I was pregnant I got on waitlist of every single daycare within a 5 mile radius of my house. I knew what to do and made a plan.
When I had a baby, I learned what babies need, which is a lot of time and attention. They are new to the world and they need a person they can call on for every need every hour of the day.
Tons of studies say daycare is as good as nanny. Yes, that is true. But newborn up to about 1.5 years old is different. Many daycares don't take kids until 1.5 years old for this reason. After 1.5 years old, they benefit from being around other kids.
After I had my kid, I actually toured the daycares again and the places that I thought were fine were actually not fine. I could not leave my kid there. The state mandated ratio only allows caregivers to do triage-- change that diaper, change this diaper, feed that kid, feed this kid, move this kid from this bouncer to that because he/she is bored. They do not have time to hold your kid and enjoy every smile and give it love.
So I changed my mind and hired nanny. It was more expensive but it was worth it knowing in that precious year my kid has what he needed. He was not left somewhere where just the physical needs were being met, not emotional.
You sound like a caring dad. Seriously think about nanny if you can. If you cannot afford it, you can probably hire an old grandma with bad English at a low rate and set up a camera feed you can monitor from home. The baby will be at home, in the same environment. Love is the same, in any language. The baby needs to be held and loved.
When your baby is walking, you can send them to daycare. It'll be great.
Shut up. Seriously. My kids are no longer in the infant room, but ours has 4 caregivers for 6 babies. When you consider how much babies sleep, that's basically one on one care. They are CONSTANTLY holding and loving on the babies. An old grandma with bad English? You're a strange one.
New Poster here. I was in the exact same boat. I toured daycares and could not imagine leaving my little baby there. We had a nanny until my son was 2 years old.