Reply to Husband of 25 years tells me he thinks he made a mistake by marrying me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I say this to my husband all the time. No big deal. You're over thinking it. [/quote]

I also say this to DH all the time. I also say that we probably would not still be married if it weren't for the kids. I actually feel like this quite often when I am mad or having a bad day.

DH knows I love him. Even when we were dating, I would say we should break up occasionally. [/quote]

I honestly don't understand why you think this is okay.  Do you not realize how hurtful it is?[/quote]

PP here. Because it is how I feel! Our relationship took a nose dive when our second child was born. DH and I had no relationship for two years and became parenting roommates. I have grown and my expectations are lower now. I accept our marriage for the kids. We both love our kids dearly.

I have been with DH for 15 years. Sometimes I really hate him. Other times I like him like a friend. Once in a while, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. Usually it is middle ground. I used to think we were unique with our marital issues but after witnessing other families go through worse, I realize these ups and downs are quite normal and what marriage is all about.

[b]It sounds like you can't handle the truth![/b][/quote]

NP. I accept that this is the "truth" of your marriage, but I can not imagine being in a marriage where I routinely say these kinds of things to my spouse. I know the comments of anonymous posters is not going to change your mind, but you do need to know that there are many of us out here that consider the kind of words you are hurling at your spouse to be verbal abuse. [/quote]

np here. amen to that! Jerk PP is a great example of what Insightful PP said about this being externalizing behavior, where someone who is unhappy with themselves projects it into the imagined failings of the ones close to them. Do marriages have ups and downs, of course, but to express it like this is just harsh. Esp when I bet PP doesn't likewise express the positives. [/quote]

Or I sometimes feel like I made a mistake by marrying my husband. DH is handsome and very successful. With his money and good looks, he would do great in the dating market. DH chased me when I was in my 20's. He wined and dined me and got me to marry him. We were the golden couple. Everyone used to say what a perfect couple we were. I am not really sure if I really ever loved DH. Yes, DH was hot. Yes, DH was smart. Yes, we had crazy good sex. I fell for his effort and charisma but I am not sure if I ever actually loved him. That became abundantly obvious when he stopped trying. DH always says that he has always loved me more and still does. That will probably always be true.[/quote]

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