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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Question for the long-time marrieds who are poly. Do your relationships with other people tend to be long-term, flings, or somewhere in between? Is swinging considered to be part of the poly umbrella?

Any good books or other resources you'd recommend for folks considering exploring a poly lifestyle?[/quote]

This is a huge debate in the poly community and for some "swing" is a slur.

For us, we have had 2 long term female relationships (FMF). Neither of us can hook up with randoms. We both need a connection. We go out on dates together (and separate), we hang out on the sofa together and watch movies. it is almost more like a polygamist marriage without living together and where the women have sex with each other as well.

We have all attended swing clubs together, but this is just because this is the ONLY place we can be open with our relationship without fear of seeing someone we know or causing a riot.

Sorry I have no books, but I have heard that The Ethical Slut is a good one. Haven't read it myself. Everyone defines it differently. The thing about open marriages, is YOU and your PARTNER have to define what you will tolerate yourselves. Whatever stupid umbrella is falls under is fine, but whatever you do you have to lay out the rules as clear as day.  Go into it slowly and if one person does not feel right, you both must stop immediately, no questions asked and you have to refrain from showing disappointment. I had to put the squash on one woman, and my DH was disappointed, but he knows the rules. We move forward together. NOBODY gets dragged along unless they are 100% on board. IT makes it very hard to find a partner when you are deciding for two.

We are a bit unique in that we are a triad. Many poly people pair off...DH finds a GF and DW finds a BF, we share a GF.[/quote]

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