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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, increase your life insurance.  And increase your general savings rate right now so that the money will be there when things get really bad.

I don't think you owe them much, in theory, but in practical terms it may be easier to help them out.  It's not worth losing your marriage or your kids' relationship with their grandparents, is it?  So I think you need to face facts that at some point, you will be paying.  Hold out as long as you can so that there will be money when they are older and truly unable to work.

What does your DH say when you bring this up with him?[/quote]
OP here - thank you for the practical advice.  How would increasing my life insurance help?  (Not arguing - that is a sincere question.)  I have not brought this up because I am still too upset.  I am just being supportive of DH during his father's health crisis.  I think DH doesn't know how to ask me for money for them because I literally predicted all of this years ago. It took time to convince him that his parents were heading towards a bad end and he was very hostile to me on the topic before he finally came around and approached them with advice.  They refused to listen and scapegoated me as the money-hungry wife who didn't want them to have a good time so that DH could inherit their savings (even though I never said anything to them about their lifestyle).  Both DH and his parents have no leg to stand on if I say "told you so" and keep my money for my kids.  DH also knows how they have treated me unfairly at times.  Is this worth losing my marriage over?  I love DH so much, but I wonder if he is worth keeping if he would mortgage our kids' future for his parents.  This might be a matter of where loyalties lie.[/quote]

First of all, do you and your husband have totally separate finances?  If not, why is it "my money" and not "our money"?  Second, who is asking you to "mortgage your kids' future?"  Your husband hasn't even asked, and you alre already judging him for putting his parents over his kids.  Third, what example do you want to set for your kids?  Do you want them to cut you off totally because you made choices they didn't agree with?  Or do you want them to find a way to be compassionate but responsible?  I'm sure there are ways you can help his parents, if it comes to that, in ways that don't threaten your family's financial well-being.  They are his parents--if he didn't care about them, that would not speak well of his character.  Given your ongoing issues around money and his family, I strongly recommend a counselor and financial advisor who can help you work through these issues in a constructive way.  Don't feel like you are supposed to just shovel money at them--I would definitely agree with (1) helping them research other forms of financial assistance, and (2) making your contribution, if any, directly paying an essential bill rather than an allowance--but remember that they are your husband's parents and he loves them.  [/quote]

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