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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Be stupid and cheerful.  Just because she sends you a ticket for a guilt trip doesn't mean you have to go along for the ride.

Her: "I can't believe you're not coming for Father's Day!"

You: "I know, right?  Bummer the move is that week.  We'll see you in July!"

Her: "Not coming says it all"

You:"Yep, says we've got alot of packing to do!  See you in July!"

Don't take the guilt trip![/quote]

Exactly. The the goal is that you're never going to change your mother but at least you can preserve some of your own sanity. 
This won't work. NP here but have the same mother as OP - exactly the same issues, including the constant complaining about other family members, siblings' inlaws, etc.  This type of person will NOT go for the "stupid and cheerful" responses. I get in big trouble when i try this technique. The explaining/defending/justifying routine does not work either. NOTHING works. This is another person's disorder, you cannot change another person. Unfortunately when you can no longer put up with it, the relationship is likely to die. I am not at that point yet with my mom but the relationship has been "ill" for quite some time. 
I realize my post is not particularly helpful, but i really just wanted to express empathy and sympathy. OP you are not alone and i am sorry i know it completely sucks to have this kind of mother. I hope and pray i don't turn into this myself someday.[/quote]

You are right. It won't work if your goal is to change your mom's behavior. It will work if you want to change your own behavior. 
[/quote][/quote]

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