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[quote=Anonymous]Kudos to your BIL and niece's fiance for both being pragmatic in both accepting and dealing with the problem before it became enough to financially ruin this family.

OP--also kudos to you for learning to listen and offer commiseration but no advice.  Frankly, your niece is obviously too immature to be getting married.  It isn't her fault, apparently her mother has raised her to be immature, entitled and have little respect for boundaries.

If while listening and commiserating with your sister, you feel that you must have some answer, gently encourage your sister to stop and reconsider her financial situation and to actually plan what can be afforded over the next few years.  Retirement needs to be the first of these to be funded, because her daughter has clearly shown that she is selfish and cannot be trusted to help her parents out when they get older and retire.  So, the family needs to plan for the parents retirement so that they will not need any financial assistance from this daughter.  She might want to review basic family finances with her daughter so that her daughter understands what the financial constraints are, e.g. they have X income, they have Y payments to make to pay off previously accumulated debt and Z payments to make for saving for retirement and college.  Then if she wants to discuss what they can actually afford, she can discuss how much money that they have to contribute towards the wedding.[/quote]

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