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[quote=Anonymous]OP if nothing else I hope you've learned a really important lesson that all parents should learn: when your child says emphatically that they don't want to see a specific person or don't want to visit, you MUST calmly ask them why. Even if you will still choose to see the person, you should never let a child's statement of "I don't like ______" or "I don't want to see ______" go by without asking why. Of course developmentally kids are going to say things like that and most of the time it's just about regular things, like "Because grandpa smells funny" or "because cousin ______ broke my doll last time". But as a parent we ALWAYS need to have an ear to why our kids feel the way they do, ESPECIALLY when it is an emphatic "I don't want to see them" or "I don't like them". And if they shut down and don't want to talk about why, yes, your flags should raise. I'm not saying you overreact or assume the worst, but you need to pay attention, ask why they won't talk, tell them they can tell you anything. As someone who worked for CPS for more than 15 years, I can tell you that it is shocking and tragic how often kids try to tell parents of things that either the kids know was not supposed to happen, or the things that the child just knew felt weird or bad or hurt, but either they are ashamed or the perpetrator scared them/coaxed them into not talking. Everything from inappropriate touching to rape. Last thing, it's not your job to decide "beyond a reasonable doubt" whether anything bad happened or not. It's ok to act because you're not sure but you're uneasy. But COMMUNICATION with yoru child is KEY. If you didn't ask then why she didn't want to see grandpa, if she ever says anything like that again about him or anyone else, ASK. And LISTEN. For now, you do realize I hope that it's possible to see your parents and just have a compact with your DH that your kids will never be alone without either you or him. If you can't trust your DH to go by that rule, then you have to pretty much trial your kids yourself. How many kids do you have? The other thing is you can go for just a day, or one overnight. Sleep with your kids. Do whatever you have to do. If your parents ask questions or notice and ask if you don't trust them, just say "It's bigger than you, we have some general concerns and are in a very protective mode right now. Please don't take it personally." And leave it at that. If they really protest, ask them why they are upset about you being generally protective of your child? And you don't have to talk abotu why. If you don't think you can pull off a visit where she's never apart from you or your DH, then maybe don't visit or have visits in public places like restaurants or playgrounds. You didn't say how far away from them you live, so a little hard to gauge how easy/hard short visits are. [/quote]
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