Reply to If you and DH work late, how do you manage extracurricular activities?

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Reply to "If you and DH work late, how do you manage extracurricular activities?"

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[quote=Anonymous]PP here. To the point of providing an example to your children... I am a 3rd generation professional woman. My mother worked those same kind of jobs you are referring to. I was raised by grandparents (we were lucky!), after a long string of careless sitters. My grandmother, an architect, retired early from a job she loved just so she could care for us and empower my mother, her single child, to succeed in her professional career.

To OP's point, my grandmother took me skating and swimming and hosted the piano and French lessons. She was the point person at school. And when my parents were assigned to the Foreign Service, we followed for some years, but eventually were sent home, in the care of my grandmother, who managed most of our high school admission prep (different country, different rules for public school). I cannot think of someone more accomplished and forward leaning than my mother.

But I was the child who did not speak until after the age of 4 -- i vividly remember feeling lonely all my younger years. That was the main reason my grandmother decided to retire. I never really called my home "home". It was my grandparent's place that became home for me.

My mom was lucky to have such support in her own mother -- but these days, people move away from home, and grandparents are in short supply. (I get nothing...) Instead, we use sitters and nannies -- usually, less educated than the parents, and with less emotional involvement. Having some external support is helpful, but when it becomes such an important part of parenting, you're replacing yourself, your values and your education with "hired help" -- on a continuous basis.

When I speak to potential employers of my need to be home for homework and dinner, this is why I do it. I'll go on that conference call with the folks in Singapore after bedtime, but I have to have an understanding that my workplace will respect the family I am trying to raise. It's my boundary. And I do find they do respect that, both for me and for DH -- until and unless some colleague decides to up the antes and show "real dedication" by starting to schedule  debate meetings at 5:30 and impromptu late-night work sessions. We work in IT, so those sessions could last well into the night.

Sometimes, management falls for these acts of heroism. My own feeling is that well-managed work does not require that. Indeed, the work done after hours is the work most liable to give headaches later on.

But it has become an effective way to manipulate the workplace, drive costs down and -- really -- gain a sense of power over employees. It's unethical.[/quote]

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