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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, seriously.  Get real help somewhere - that isn't here on DCUM.  You are wallowing and getting nowhere.

Get professional help.  For your sake first - and then for the sake of your whole family.[/quote]

I have to second this, gently. This is real stuff and is life-changing.

Yes, your kid could be avoiding a grandparent due to bad breath or stinky feet or some other 4-year old's perception of a crime.  She may be getting a vibe from him or from you.
The fact that YOU are not OK is reason enough to open up the issue.

If you chose to not see your dad anymore to keep your daughter safe, you will need a professional to help you with that. You also lose your mom. That's big stuff.

You could also consider some serious boundaries (only hotel visits, no changing, no naps, only go when DH is present).  If they ask why, you are more comfortable that way.

I don't know what religion you are, but at our Catholic school, ALLLLLL the parents had to watch a video about child abuse, as you describe, so we'd all know what to be on the lookout for. Good "groomers" also use charm and guilt to set the parents up and gain access to the kids.  The most charismatic parents are the ones I trust the least. We also are all kind crazy about being protective of the kids. I walk 9 year olds to the bathroom at games and practices and wait outside the door.  I want everyone to know I am the parent who is aware and don't pick my kid, or the kids around me. I also don't let people post pictures of my kids. (A ploy abusers often use).  Call me crazy, but we all joke about the requirements outlined in the video and follow them.[/quote]

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