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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Married four years and we have sex at most once a month.  He has always had low drive/ED.  I had to push him to get viagra. that made a difference.  My sex drive was average for the most part but since having a baby its dropped. And the truth is that he isn't good in bed. We have never had a passionate dymanic.  I have had a LOT more experience than DH so I know what I want etc.  I have tried to talk to him about what I need etc. But he lacks confidence and experience. I think if I had someone on the side it would help with the marriage. I am not going to get a divorce over this because of kids.[/quote]

Truthfully, this is a sad story.  You may have to give him an ultimatum before he changes.[/quote]

Ultimatums don't work.  The spouse may change for a bit but at the end of the day they have a low sex drive and will revert back to their old ways sooner rather than later.  You can't change someone.  Either cheat OE get used to living without a lot of sex.  [/quote]

Ultimatums DO work but [u]only if you really mean it[/u]. Because then it's not really you giving an ultimatum so much as you just being honest for once.
I say this from personal experience, having reached such a low point of sexless marriage that I was no longer willing to live a forced celibate life. I eventually told my wife exactly this: we either fix our marriage or we end it. (I did not bring up option 3 which is to stay married and I have sex elsewhere ... I would have certainly raised this option depending on how the conversation was going).  This was not brinkmanship, not an ultimatum. This was the honest truth, brutal as it may seem. Years later, we remain married and have a pretty decent sexlife.

So ask yourself: will I be happy remaining married and faithful to somebody who consistently ignores my completely reasonable sexual needs?
I decided that I could not, and this was a pretty important revelation, one that I needed to share my spouse. 
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