Reply to Do you, the mother, tell your child when he/she has hurt your feelings?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My kids don't hurt my feelings. They just blab the dumbest shit when they're mad, how can you even take it seriously?[/quote]

Well, your child will be the one without social graces or friends when they get older, because you never took seriously your responsibility to teach them how to properly manage their feelings.  By all means, just let them lash out with "dumb shit."  Disrespect starts at home and extends from there.[/quote]

No I correct them by saying "you're not allowed to talk to people like that." But in my head my own feelings are never hurt. I think it's pretty pathetic if a 3 year old can hurt your feelings. [/quote]

Do you explain to them WHY they are not allowed to talk like that?

You over-reactors are imaging conversations in which mom breaks down into tears and throws a fit in reaction to something a child said, and then wanders around all day in a mopey mood letting it affect them to their core.  What drama queens.  Of course this is not what people are suggesting here.  You can say, "your words hurt my feelings and that is not a kind way to speak to people."  This is DISCIPLINE.  This is TEACHING.  This is MODELING an appropriate way to handle yourself when your feelings are hurt.  To call this abusive or damaging is complete and utter nonsense by people who are not exercising common sense.  Good grief.[/quote]

To be clear, I have never said I think it's abusive or mean to tell a kid they hurt your feelings. It's not- it just makes you look weak. If my kid says something like I WISH I HAD ANOTHER MOM!, it doesn't hurt my feelings. First of all she's bullshitting and second of all, I'm the adult. If I say "that hurts my feewings," I've now brought myself down to a 5 year old's level. She didn't hurt my feelings.

I absolutely reinforce being kind to others and speaking appropriately and not acting like a jerk and my kids are actually very well mannered and don't tend to act like jerks. When they do, they're called out in it, but never in a context that lets them think they have power over me. Actually as far as they should be concerned, I don't have feelings. I'm all-knowing and just and objective. [/quote]

Wow.  Okay.  Our children should never think we have feelings.  Yep, that seems healthy.   :hunf:

I've got to check out of this thread now b/c there is no way to have a discussion with people who think that showing your children your own humanity is "weak."

[/quote]

I agree with the PP.  Children need to know that their parents are there for them 100% in all circumstances and that we are strong.  I would no more tell my three-year-old that he hurt my feelings than I would tell him that I was terrified and wanted to cry when I took him to the ER to get stitches.

I want my kids to know that they can depend on me.  [/quote]

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