Reply to What one thing will your kids never forgive/forget (and maybe even talk about it therapy)?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

One thing I've found in my long and varied experience is that kids are often not traumatized by the things you think they'll be traumatized by. 
Sometimes they turn around years later and accuse you of things so minor that you don't even remember it ever happened, such as on one occasion refusing to give them money for the school store because you didn't have any cash that day.

[b]This is my issue with therapy - in some instances it enables some people to hold on to small grudges and blow them out of proportion, instead of placing responsibility for moving on squarely on the patient.
[/b][/quote]

What a horrible person you are.[/quote]

Um, how exactly? I'm NP here and I definitely understand what PP is saying. She is in no way saying that therapy isn't helpful or necessary in many many cases but she does point out that its at least possible that it can turn to the unnecessarily introspective or dare I say even narcissistic , since its by nature "me" centered, and sometimes, I think that causes more issues than it solves in cases where there is little actual trauma or slight and just a matter of life that not everything is going to go your way or be perfect.[/quote]

Poster you're quoting. She's a horrible person because she's one of those people who spread the myth that it's up to the hurt person to go over it, rather than up to the person who did the hurting to restore the damage. That's awful And so are you, since you think along the same lines.[/quote]

Oh for fuck's sake. I really don't. I also think that navel gazing and focusing on your own feelings ALL THE TIME is terrible for the soul and for society in general. Not everything is so black and white.

If you hurt someone, you make it right and you offer an apology, etc. It doesn't matter if you MEAN to hurt someone, you still have to make it right.

Also, if you feel slighted or hurt, you need to examine the extent of any real damage to you as a person and also at least consider the person's intent, which may make forgiveness easier (which after all forgiveness is really about the person doing the forgiving letting go and not vice versa).

Doesn't have to be one or the other all the time. Life is shades of grey. Not getting the 100% perfect bedroom as a child vs. being racially profiled and attacked for example are NOT the same thing, and to pretend that a person feeling the same pain is ridiculous. (Extreme examples on purpose. In fact there is a very real threat that excessive introspection can set someone up to always be genuinely feeling like a victim, which is never good.[/quote]

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