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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have never called a poster a troll, but I am doing it now. After 45 years and countless friend and family bar and bat mitzvahs, I have never, ever attended or even heard of one where there was not a party with food that followed immediately after the service or was held later in the evening (and that is not a new trend btw, tons of people had their party in the evening when I was a kid).  Never. Ever. In fact, usually the parents of the bar mitzvah child host the oneg luncheon at the synagogue after the service in addition to the bar mitzvah party. So even more food! I call troll and someone trying to stir a pot, I hope with benign motives. [/quote]

This is OP.  I guess being called a troll answers my question in terms of whether this is something that is done.  It is SO not done that it makes more sense that I would make it up than someone in the country would pull a stunt like this.

I have my theories (just pure speculation) as to why Cousin did this, but I really can't go into them in detail without talking about some identifying info, but it may be that Cousin didn't want to throw a bar mitzvah for his kid to begin with.  He just didn't care what the family thinks, and if we never mingle again that's fine with him.  He's not observant AT ALL, btw.

I think DH's family is realizing that he doesn't care to maintain ties, and it is really hurtful to them.  I really don't blame them.  As a PP said, it's cross-cultural.  If you invite people and they fly in, feed them.  [/quote]

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