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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you sure there wasn't a misunderstanding?

I ask because the new "trend" as a pp mentioned is that the young person has the festive meal much later in the day.  In other words, the ceremony part of the Bar Mitzvah takes place at around 10:00 in the morning and then the guests go off (fend for themselves so to speak) but regather around 6 or 8 pm, often at a restaurant or disco for a formal meal and dancing and speeches and so forth.

I find this hugely inconvenient, by the way, as I travel from out of town too, and am left to "fend for myself" for six or eight hours in another city with my children.  It's a trend I greatly dislike.

So I wonder if your relatives just misunderstood that they were to fend for themselves until the time of the party?[/quote]

OP here.  No, there was nothing like that.  These discussions are happening after everyone drove/flew home.

I believe Cousin's family has made a somewhat fancy purchase recently.  I can't go into what, but it's luxurious and fancy.  That's why everyone is disapproving.  They think it was purchased with the bar mitzvah money.

Again, not a struggling family.

Just wondering if feeding is optional, or if Cousin broke some traditional rules here.[/quote]

Feeding is optional.  Some people follow the custom of providing food.  It is a nice thing to do for visiting family.  However, there is no law that says you have to serve food or have a party after a bar mitzvah.  If this family wants family to ever come again for a bar mitzvah or wedding, they may have a problem with people wantong to make the trip.  Usually hosts will let invitees know what the food situation will be in advance.  For example, on invitations, many people will indicate "kiddush luncheon following the service."  I find it hard to blieve that family members didn't know that they wouldn't be fed.[/quote]

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