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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, I've gotten the info that I needed and I choose not to play the "let's blame the OP" game, which seems to happen in this forum at times.  I truly appreciate the good and heartfelt advice.

Have a good night.[/quote]

Um, maybe you might need a bit more information than just find a lawyer and sock away money?

I left an angry man. He's still in my life because we have children together. This forum sometimes treats divorce as a finality unto itself. It's not. It's just one decision along the continuum of raising your children.

So my advice is to put as much into your divorce agreement as you could possibly imagine: when are the children allowed to drive? or travel abroad? All of the permissions that you will need down the line, no matter how far off it may seem. Get it in there now, so you don't have to deal with XH when these things eventually arise. Have child support done electronically through direct deposit. I'd hate the idea of ever seeing my XH on a monthly basis. I hold the children's passports, always. Tax questions! Who gets to claim them and when, for how long, under what circumstances? Camp questions. School enrollment. Can you sign off on paperwork yourself? I can, and it makes everything so so so much easier. How about oddities like keeping to a vegetarian diet during visitation? If that's important to you, or church attendance, get it settled through this process now. I even put into my agreement that the children required a separate sleeping area, and that no one would ever be referred to as any variation of mommy or daddy, even if one of us were to re-marry. Why? Because it is important to me and a reminder to XH that he is their one and only father. I'm trying to think of other esoteric things I placed within the agreement...but I think you've gotten the idea.

Set conditions, absolutes, and processes in place through the divorce agreement. Who pays for what, outside of child support? I honestly wish I'd put in that the kids get three meals during his visitation day because the asshole picks them up after I've fed them in the morning, and rolls them home after driving through McDonald's at night. He's that cheap. I wish I'd put in something about textbooks and college application fees. My kids are in kindergarten! I know. But, if I had just done that I wouldn't have to shoulder every single cost alone.

While socking away money, also get documentation re STBXH's income and trajectory. I forgot the word for it, but there's a way that the Court can estimate child support that isn't solely based on current income. For example, if he's on track to become partner, put it into the current agreement that the child support will increase by x% once his income hits blah%. Check with your attorney about having a slice of his yearly bonus go to the kids' college account.

I'm not even going to take another look at this thread. Like you, I'm terrified by the pitch forks some DCUMers bring to the conversation.

TLDR: Think long-term. Once the Court is no longer party to the discussion you will be on your own with him. You don't want that.

Good luck!
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