Reply to Life Lesson: MILs that dont drive

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
But OP, you do realize that this Life. You are continually bound by different restrictions that vary as you go through life, some which you may have foreseen (but perhaps didn't), and others that you couldn't possibly have foreseen.

So just accept that Life throws stuff at you and make do with what you have.
[/quote]

Not OP, but the stuff that we must deal with that Life throws at us tends to involve people who are dependents (children) and things on which we are dependent (a paycheck).  I have a friend whose DD has a severe disability and who will require support for life.  That is something Life threw at my friend and her DH, agreed.

But a MIL?  None of us signs up to have our parents dependent on us in the way that OP describes, particularly when they are adults capable of taking care of certain necessary tasks themselves.  (I would put driving in that category if OP's MIL does not have easy access to public transportation.)

I would be angry and bitter, myself.[/quote]

I see your point but I also kind of disagree. For most of human history and in most all cultures, elderly relatives ARE seen as dependents on a family, in increasing degree as they age of course since they are adults too its not the same as having children but its not totally the opposite either. I personally like the idea of a society where taking care of the oldest and the youngest is just something everyone in the middle does. I think its probably healthiest for families too- fosters inter-generational bonds and also might take away some of the hyper-focus on child rearing (since they are your only concern) which isn't necessarily doing each generation any favors. Eventually a corporate culture would catch up too, I would hope. As it is in more collectivist societies.[/quote]

I don't disagree with you (although that is not my family culture).  But OP's MIL is not, from the sounds of it, frail or incapable or demented or otherwise incapacitated such that she must depend on others.  She does not need care, other than rides.  She chose not to learn to drive, and continues to make that choice.

In OP's shoes, I would be angry and bitter, because the dependency in question here is a choice.[/quote]

PP you quoted. I see your point, that is fair. I am wondering if the daughter's relucatance to move is because she doesn't want her mother to age further, or get to that point and be far away. Would be interesting to hear her side. Its hard for families where one person doesn't see geographical proximity to extended family in the same way- and often its not something that really becomes as apparent until you get to an age with kids and/or aging parents. Tough situation for OP.

I know that for me, my DH and I both love San Diego, living there would be amazing- but I would never, ever want to actually move because I don't want to have a life where my kids and my parents/siblings are that far away. he's from a family where no 2 generations live in the same state, so he doesn't get this and I think might somewhat resent me for not just wanting to pick up and move 3000 or even 10,000 (a real possibility) miles away and just do the visit at the holidays thing if WE love where we live.[/quote]

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