Reply to i wish my boyfriend was more motivated

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]

OP, my father married my mother and it was a very similar situation. She was actually VP at a national bank, at age 26, when she met my father, who had his masters and a Princeton degree and was roughly the same age, making maybe a couple thousand more. He assured he he was ambitious and wanted to make a lot of money (my mom comes from money and is generally an ambitious, industrious person), and they both talked about how they wanted her to SAHM. So she did- she gave up her career to raise us kids, and.... 
my father, who is not as motivated as my mother, gave up his lucrative banking career to take one working for the govt. His salary has stagnated over the past 20 years and he didnt make enough money to fund college funds. We had an okay lifestyle, but just barely getting by- not a lot of dinners out, no nice vacations, etc etc etc. My mother's lifestyle plummeted. After a few years she had four children, and had been out of the workplace for years. She likes to keep busy, so she headed many charitable organizations and the PTA. But these efforts never brought in money. And my father's motivation just decreased over time.

After about 20 years, they got a divorce. My mother did not get a lot of alimony, and had to go back to work making a pittance of what she once made. All of us children have college debt- the two oldest have substantial because we really never realized or were told that we would have to pay our way through college (both parents had their colleges fully paid for).

The moral of the story being- when someone tells you that they aren't ambitious- LISTEN TO THEM. It gets worse after you have a ring on your finger, have been out of the workplace, and basically have no financial negotiating power. if thats the life you want, find someone on the same page- and I promise there are many that share that desire. If not in the DC area, plenty in the south. And they will be thrilled that you want to raise your kids at home. Find someone who wants it- dont try to convince yourself this guy can do it when it sounds like you know in your heart that he cannot.

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them."- Maya Angelou[/quote]
Well it sounds like your mother lacked ambition. She is the one who gave up a "career" in banking to stay at home and head the PTA. 20 years of staying at home....and it his fault....really? Maybe when you get older you will rethink this situation.[/quote]

You seem to think that every time a woman chooses to stay home, it's because her only motivation is to not work at a job.  And to lay on the couch eating bon bons.  When i can tell you, my mother is EXTREMELY hardworking and loves working outside of the home. I'm confused as to why you would say that she's lacking ambition when she rose through the ranks of her various charities extremely quickly and in fact was much more industrious and busy than my father. I guess because she wasn't earning money, that doesnt fit the only narrative or measure you seem to have for "working hard".  But in fact, SAHM is very hard work, as is running various charities.  So sit down, because you dont know what the hell you're talking about. [/quote]

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