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[quote=Anonymous]Just got back from visiting family over the holidays and have a few rants to share:

It's sad to see relatives lonely in their old age and it's a double wammy when all they do is insult the host and complain when they are invited somewhere. One relative is all alone in her adult life and relies on extended distant family to include her in things - which we're happy to do but she doesn't seem to enjoy our company, watches everything we do and has a comment on everything (and I do mean everything - she has more opinions than my Indian MIL and that's saying a lot!). I just about lost it when she insisted on watching me pack up our luggage on the final night - she was hovering over my shoulder, inspecting how I fold my underwear & husband's boxers!
Clearly she's not happy in life and at this age, probably can't stop herself from the social patterns she's developed, but I can see why she's having a hard time finding a place to settle in retirement - even those who try to help her end up being targeted and guilt tripped for not doing enough. She's kind of shooting herself in the foot.

My other (non) relative is very old, in his 90s, and is a high maintenance guest, which is understandable and we always have some one dedicated to waiting on him when he comes over. That would be fine if he enjoyed himself while with us, but he then orders others (aside from the person on full time duty for him) around for things not really related to him - you, stack these dishes and take them in the kitchen! You, you missed a plate! Hey, your mother is doing XYZ - you should be doing XYZ for her! He complains that his own family doesn't invite him over anymore and I can see why. We're trying to be resilient and continue including him, but if he feels so comfortable bossing us around after we've stocked up our house with everything he wants and assigned some one to fetch anything else he might think of, I can only imagine what he feels comfortable doing to his own family.

And then there's the lesser stuff of my parents inviting us over, feeling put upon for hosting, but declining our help with dishes and cooking. I just don't know what to do with them really. Next year is my IL's turn and I'm relieved. They're not perfect, nor are we really, but at least with my ILs, you know whether they're happy to be with you or not. There's no fake smiles, no pretending you don't need help when you do. That kind of straightforwardness is really refreshing. [/quote]

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