Just got back from visiting family over the holidays and have a few rants to share:

It's sad to see relatives lonely in their old age and it's a double wammy when all they do is insult the host and complain when they are invited somewhere. One relative is all alone in her adult life and relies on extended distant family to include her in things - which we're happy to do but she doesn't seem to enjoy our company, watches everything we do and has a comment on everything (and I do mean everything - she has more opinions than my Indian MIL and that's saying a lot!). I just about lost it when she insisted on watching me pack up our luggage on the final night - she was hovering over my shoulder, inspecting how I fold my underwear & husband's boxers!
Clearly she's not happy in life and at this age, probably can't stop herself from the social patterns she's developed, but I can see why she's having a hard time finding a place to settle in retirement - even those who try to help her end up being targeted and guilt tripped for not doing enough. She's kind of shooting herself in the foot.

My other (non) relative is very old, in his 90s, and is a high maintenance guest, which is understandable and we always have some one dedicated to waiting on him when he comes over. That would be fine if he enjoyed himself while with us, but he then orders others (aside from the person on full time duty for him) around for things not really related to him - you, stack these dishes and take them in the kitchen! You, you missed a plate! Hey, your mother is doing XYZ - you should be doing XYZ for her! He complains that his own family doesn't invite him over anymore and I can see why. We're trying to be resilient and continue including him, but if he feels so comfortable bossing us around after we've stocked up our house with everything he wants and assigned some one to fetch anything else he might think of, I can only imagine what he feels comfortable doing to his own family.

And then there's the lesser stuff of my parents inviting us over, feeling put upon for hosting, but declining our help with dishes and cooking. I just don't know what to do with them really. Next year is my IL's turn and I'm relieved. They're not perfect, nor are we really, but at least with my ILs, you know whether they're happy to be with you or not. There's no fake smiles, no pretending you don't need help when you do. That kind of straightforwardness is really refreshing.

Anonymous wrote:Most people wouldn't find this annoying but I am sick and tired of MIL going on and on about how DD is clearly gifted and ahead of her peers. Sure she's a smart kid but not atypically so. I get the proud grandparent thing but she talks about it ALL the time. It's odd especially because dd is pretty much just a normal curious kid.

I actually have a similar reaction to similar feedback from my MIL. Kid is really developmentally typical. MIL insists she's a genius. I want to ask if MIL would think DD was as "good" if she was intellectually average.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL and MIL cannot stop commenting on my dd's size. She's a little on the small side- it hurts my feelings bc they act like I'm not feeding her enough. When they ask her percentile and her weight I tell them that I don't know (she's in the 23rd or something). And I tell them that no one else is concerned and we don't worry about that type of thing in our house (lots of eating disorder issues in both my family and DH's family).

"This is the third time you've made a comment about Larla's size. Her pediatrician is fine with it, and that's all that matters to me. Please don't bring it up again." Then take Larla and walk out of the room. Be pleasant as pie with them for the rest of the visit.

We get these annoying comments for the opposite reason - DS (22 months) is 95th percentile. BIL: "Wow! His hands are almost as big as mine!" MIL: "He will eat anything, won't he?" (Not true, but he generally eats well). Drives me batty. I don't think it's appropriate to comment, period. Wish people would follow the old adage "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." (FWIW, I don't comment on my BIL and SIL's similarly-aged toddler who is quite small for her age - they have a pediatrician who I am sure monitors her progress, so my input is not necessary, as far as I'm concerned. Sadly, they don't feel the same way.)

FWIW. When my DH says, "he has big hands or he eats anything," he means it as a compliment. Kind of old fashion and masculine, I guess.

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Anonymous wrote:MIL tried to physically yank infant DD from my arms when she started crying while I was getting her calmed down. I know she wanted to be helpful, but don't. Grab. My. Baby. From me.

Yes! It's been three years, but I still shake with anger remembering when the MIL locked herself in a room with my 4 m.o. and would not let me come in. God, I hope I remember this feeling when I become a MIL myself.

I had the total opposite experience. MIL and FIL refused to hold our babies. Never held one once. Never offered to babysit once. I think they thought if they held the kids, then we'd ask them if they could babysit, so they never did. Now the kids are older, so they have almost no contact with them. They send checks at Christmas and birthdays, and only see the kids when we bring the kids to them. Never come to see us.

I'd be livid beyond belief if my MIL locked herself in a room with my baby!! I don't think I'd ever allow her in my house again!! Wow.

My cousin took her family to Barbados for Christmas. No Christmas, no stress. She just brought along some gifts, and they had Christmas on the beach. That's my plan for next year.

I loathe my in-laws. Just cannot stand them. We've been married for 18 years, and they still resent me for marrying DH.

I'm from a different social class, different religion, different educational background. I have never in the slightest held anything about my background over or against them, but they absolutely seethe with resentment at me. I guess they are mad at DH for not marrying someone of his/their class/religion.

I can understand it taking a few years to adjust, but after 18 years, isn't it time to LET IT GO????

MIL is an alcoholic (never admitted by SIL or FIL, of course), so we never order drinks when we're with them. Maybe they hold that against me? We pay for food, but not booze!

Not for my ILs, including my SIL, who can't stand me. She refuses to sit next to me at dinner. None of them talk to me or the kids, just to DH. During our visits, we take them out to very nice restaurants (DH and I pay) because DH and I are foodies. The ILs always order meatloaf or hamburgers or the closest thing to something they recognize on the menu (pork chops?). They always comment about how weird the food is, never finish anything, then make a big show of thanking us for the meal. WTF??

They don't cook, so when we visit over the holidays, we take them out to dinner. This time, trying to appease them, I chose a very modest restaurant, and they complained about how small the portions were! I was trying to find something better than Red Lobster, but at least not intimidating to them. No matter what I do, I cannot ever please them. They hate and resent me, and there's not a single thing I can do about it.

On the long drive home, I told DH, NO MORE, EVER! I will not spend another holiday with them, will not drive for six hours to visit them, will not pay loads of money to stay in a hotel (their house is too small to accommodate us) take them out to nice restaurants, will not bring their only grandchildren to see them.

MIL sat next to me at dinner the night before we left and didn't say a single word to me the entire meal. All her remarks she addressed to DH. I am persona non grata, still, after 18 years!!!

We've invited them to DD's high school graduation. We're going to put them up in a hotel. Our house is large enough to accommodate them, but I would go absolutely crazy if they stayed with us. We tried that once, a long time ago, and it didn't go well, so now we just pay for a hotel. The excuse is that our kids are noisy, and our dog is rambunctious.