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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP here.  OP, I wouldn't do any of this.  Get presents at the appropriate times (baby shower, birth of the baby).  But don't do any of this other stuff.  It seems over the top, and it might make her feel awkward.

[b]I also would stop talking to them about the infertility.  Just drop it as a topic of conversation with them.  I would not pursue it.  [/b]

Don't invite a pity party.  If you end up not having children, you will regret always being painted as the poor, old childless aunt.

Be kind and celebrate with them, but I would back away from any discussion of the infertility struggles with them from this point onward.  Trust me.[b] It will go a long way in keeping the relationship neutral -- not one where it feels like one party has something the other desperately wants[/b].[/quote]

But here's the thing PP: someone DOES have something that the other party wants.  That's actually the situation, and OP is trying to figure out how to negotiate it and at least being honest about how she feels.

The bolded is one of the things about DCUM that makes me both NUTS but also grateful for the people in my life.  People are so freakin' COMMUNICATION-AVERSE!!!  PP it's actually HEALTHY to have a relationship with ILs or family where you can discuss difficult things, be honest about what's hard and what's challenging, be honest about being happy for them, and they can want you to be happy so much too that they have trouble telling you happy news.  It's hard, it's awkward, but at least they are TALKING about it.

The relationship and family board (and general parenting) are so so full of people who struggle to say anything about how they feel, or address even little stuff, never mind big hard awkward stuff.  No wonder the world we live in is so crazy!  People are afraid to communicate.

Sorry OP, this is clearly me venting, but the bolded in PPs post just triggered this.  I don't get where PP is coming from at all, but OP I say to you in the midst of this challenging time, please be grateful that both you, your DH, and your ILs are the kinds of people who care about each other, want the best for each other, and actually talk to each other.  THAT bodes far better for your future relationships than any advice about shutting up.[/quote]

I'm the PP you are referring to.

I am not communication-averse.  But there also must be balance.  Sure, SIL has something OP wants, but it won't do either of them any good to keep emphasizing that point.  It sounds like OP has communicated, has talked about it, and SIL has respected her.  But there does come a time when you've expressed yourself, communicated your woes, and there's really nothing more to communicate -- just basically saying the same thing over and over and over again.

Not all family/relationship stuff is caused by a lack of talking about stuff.  Sometimes it's caused by a lack of balance or by making everything about you.

OP should talk and try to heal, but given that her SIL has respected her wishes, told her privately, maybe she can let SIL enjoy being pregnant.  Perhaps pregnant SIL who already is respecting OP shouldn't be the one that OP talks to about her struggle with infertility.  That's what I'm saying.

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