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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree with the post suggesting giving a smaller, less expensive gift.  Some godiva chocolates you buy at the grocery store.  Some cheap earrings.  You need to show her you are not going to try that hard anymore.  It will give her less power--the power or refusal.  consumable is best.  She has for some reason decided she is not interested in your guys so give something that doesn't last so she isn't "burdened" by reminders of you guys.  She sounds awful.  Sad that she is depressed.  Maybe have DH talk to the SILs about whether she is getting help for the depression.  Maybe they can prompt her to get a therapist.[/quote]

OP here.  Thank you for your insightful response.  MIL is most definitely depressed, as are other family members. The family has some serious issues - two of which have to do with their family dynamics and jealousy; which is why I try to stay away, and try to encourage DH to see them on neutral ground.  But they revert to their old abusive behaviors, and he is disappointed every time.  If nothing else, I should be taking note of his disappointment and not be surprised when it happens to me.  They see me as they see him; if not, worse - I speak up (he is learning). It is a hard thing for them to face their issues, and they would rather not admit them, so they "do not exist".  In other words, therapy would never happen.  Thankfully, DH is the bright one in all of this, and has learned much about their behaviors, and how it impacts him.  "Owning your crap" is not easy for some people. When abuse is factored in, it becomes that much more complicated. Again, I need to take note and realize these are not normal people.  I guess I have a hard time with that, most of all; and want to give her a gift "as if" she was a normal, kind, warm, loving, accepting person (not closed, insular and cold) :( 
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