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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
OP here.  I'm not sure what this means.  We see her twice per year, and she lives five minutes away.  Should I give her more space?

It's seems we are damned if we do, and damned if we don't?  What am I missing?[/quote]

A different PP here.  Here's one suggestion that might make your relationship with your MIL a little smoother.  Make sure that she regularly gets time with just your husband and the kids.  Despite the fact that you are her DIL, the love of her son and the mother of her grandchildren, the fact is that some mothers think of daughter-in-law as competition.  They are the mother of the family, but when the daughter-in-law is around with the grandkids, the daughter-in-law usurps her position as mother of the family.  So, arrange for once or twice a year for your husband to take the kids to visit her and do something with just them.  Perhaps either the Saturday of Mother's Day weekend or her birthday, you get a relaxing day to yourself sans kids (sounds fantastic to me!) and she gets her "family" for herself as the mother.

Both of our mothers live far away, but we make sure that when we visit them or they visit us that we arrange at least one event, whether lunch, brunch, dinner, etc as just grandmother, her child and her grandchildren.  It's amazing how much that pleases them.  We schedule it and we make sure to highlight it on the first day of the visit.  They never admit it, but you can tell from their behavior that they look forward to it, and really enjoy it and it makes the visit special for them.  And we all get along great.  But this is one of the things that we've found that makes our mothers happy.[/quote]

OP here.  Thanks for the suggestion, PP.  DH really does not want to see his mother at all.  I have persuaded him to go in the past; and sometimes he reluctantly visited with/without child/ren.  They have gone on their annual vacation without me, due to exigent circumstances.  I think DH is afraid of her, as she is a wolf in sheep's clothing.  I know there are abuse issues in his family, and am slowly piecing together what the issues were/are.  All behaviors indicate that she is trying the same behaviors with me.  I think she sees me as someone who is rocking her rather awkward boat. [/quote]

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