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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If she says she doesn't want anything, and she doesn't appreciate anything you give her, why are you trying? Honestly, give her a $25 gift certificate to the local grocery store or Amazon or something equally stupid and be done with her. Or just don't give her a gift at all. After the OO gift, I wouldn't be inclined to give her a gift at all (and I don't have a$$-hat relatives or anyone in my life who acts like her).

What is up with her behavior? Why are you trying to change it--for what purpose?
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OP here.  I agree.  I always thought one of the main reason she dislikes me, is because she dislikes herself.  She refuses to accept that DH and I compliment each other.  As if she is just waiting for a divorce or remarriage or something, so she can say she said so.  She is depressed and doesn't enjoy anything (at all, ever) - so I know better than to take it personally.  That is, if I think of it in a logical fashion.  KWIM?  Come to think of it, she goes nuts for random strangers' crap......

It is hard for me to grasp anyone being so miserable in their life.  She fights me any chance she gets - wedding, birth, funeral, illness, you name it.  She has serious issues. I need to let it go, without giving her the satisfaction of telling her off (which would serve zero purpose); but is fun to think about.....

She tries to treat me how she treats DH.  Like crap.  Thinking of a nice gift card.  I really, really appreciate the support here.  It is a somewhat surreal situation.  As I mentioned, I have never seen anything "quite like this".  :)  Someone with so much cold, hate and bitter is hard for someone like me; I need to let it go. [/quote]

You do need to let it go. But I suspect there is a little mean streak in you that enjoys prodding her. If you really wanted her to relax a little about her relationship with you and DH you would give her some more space when she keeps signaling she'd prefer it.[/quote]

OP here.  I'm not sure what this means.  We see her twice per year, and she lives five minutes away.  Should I give her more space?

It's seems we are damned if we do, and damned if we don't?  What am I missing?

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OP, MIL actively cuts you and DH out of her life. The SILs blow you off about gifts, going out together, everything. MIL recycles gifts from your kids back to you. She lives five minutes away and sees you twice a year. She SAYS she doesn't need anything (read: doesn't want gifts from you and DH).

Rather than accept the obvious - DH's family wants to minimize ties with you guys - you keep pushing and keep pushing. You ratchet up the scale of gifts, you solicit gift suggestions from DCUM (and not as in "help me think of something simple and generic" but rather you're still looking to impress MIL, win her over, cater to her as if it would matter). You encourage DH to keep trying with his family. Why?

By hovering on the edges of DH's family's world you think you're being the good soldier maintaining the family connection. No, you don't want to admit if left up to them there would be no connection. As I said before, I think you refuse to let his rotten family "win" so you'll keep buying the thoughtful gifts and making overtures and thereby showing everyone involved what "graciousness" looks like.[/quote]

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