Reply to God I hate the ex wife

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She hates you, too. Quit nickel and dimeing three innocent kids. God, you terrible step moms on here have made me just terrified of divorce. Those poor babies.[/quote]

Ummm I don't personally have any support obligations to her kids.  I pay for tons of stuff for them.  I personally (not DH) just flew everyone to Universal Studios and Disney so we could geek out to a family Harry Potter vacation.  I spend my own money taking them on a back to school shopping trip at the end of each summer and then we do a girl's trip to the beauty salon. I took four weeks of my own personal leave this summer to be with them, take them for horseback riding lessons, basketball clinics, volleyball camps etc bc my husband was called away to the field (but he has "tax free shopping" so it's all good).  I never speak badly of their mom, even when I am washing every linen in my home bc she didn't tell me about the lice infestation.  What really upsets me is that the ex wife doesn't honor her obligations under the divorce decree, and she also leverages her influence with the kids to guilt DH into paying for stuff when she doesn't want to pay for it.   So, when exactly was I "terrible?"   Was it when I was at the minute clinic with DSD getting her fungal infection treated?  Or when I was at the "lice treatment salon" (yes there is such a thing) with DSD who was in tears bc she is 13 and so embarrassed to have lice that her mom didn't take care of properly? The "salon" btw cost $125 but I paid for it bc DSD was devastated and in emotional and physical trauma.  The ex bought a $12 shampoo from Walmart and then sent them to me for the summer hoping for the best.  Just bc I really dislike the ex and her manipulative financial practices doesn't make me a "terrible" step mom.  Being a step is a very hard role.  You have a ton of responsibility and virtually no authority.  You are on the hook to care for someone else's children.  So maybe don't be so judgmental.  And just because it's hard doesn't mean I want a divorce, to anyone who might be wondering.  [/quote]

Wow.  Sounds like you are making a good amount of money for you to be able to fly the kids out.  The reason that the ex cannot afford things that your husband can is that he is now part of a dual earner household.  And, under the eyes of the law, you two are essentially one single entity and all your income and his income becomes combined.  So please stop bitching about this, it makes you look incredibly selfish and spiteful. [/quote]

I make a little less than them but I have a consulting business in the side that pays out little windfalls a few times per year.  I usually use that money to pay for a family vacation and put money in their college accounts.  I don't think that makes me bitchy or selfish nor do I expect her to pay for expensive family vacations.  I am very confused about the people saying DH needs to honor his commitment or whatever, esp the person who said they hope that his military service taught him that or whatever.  I don't think that's in question. He pays their court ordered support every month.  He pays it 12 months per year, even though we have the kids 3 mo per year (so I guess it really comes out to $875 per kid per month) plus he pays for half of all the other items I noted.  That's not in question and I have not complained at all about the support he pays.  My gripe is that the mom doesn't follow the divorce decree and constantly texts him to pay for random stuff above and beyond that.  But I am getting the sense here that the default position is that nc dads are all shitbags trying to screw over the poor cp mom and step wives are behind the scenes manipulating it all.  As for the lice, she did know, bc I called her to ask why DSD was scratching and bleeding from her scalp and she said, "well I didn't tell you but the kids had lice..."  I defy anyone on this forum to receive three kids into their home with a live lice infestation and not be annoyed about it. Also am honestly interested...I put the numbers out there- if you think he's paying too little, how much should he be paying?
[/quote]

He's paying less than $20,000 a year for three kids -- how far exactly do you think that goes in paying for food, shelter and clothing, never mind the extras that you have so much bitterness towards?  But I think you miss the larger point, why are you so personally invested in counting every dollar that is spent on his kids, and judging how "fair" that is?  Most parents, even step parents, aren't so petty.  Kids cost what they cost.  If you truly love the kids as you claim, you wouldn't be so focused on this silly ledger book approach to parenting.  The kids were there before you, he chose to have them, and you chose this package.  Stop being so miser like if you truly care about this kids.[/quote]

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