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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I grew up in a home where there was a lot of yelling, unhappiness, manipulation was the main form of communication.

I can't help but repeat the cycle with my DC and DH although I promised myself I wouldn't do it.  [b]I yell about small things, for DC it's spilling milk or getting ready for school.[/b]  It happens out of my control. I apologize afterwards, but I still do it.

I don't know how to get rid of this. If anyone has any suggestions please share.[/quote]
Here is my experience:

I used to do what you describe.  I found that a very simple phrase and routine to carry out when these situations come up works best for me.  When I have rage, I cannot remember all the self help principles or higher reasoning.  I am barely able to think at all.  So when my DCs spill milk for example, I force myself to say, in a normal voice, "it's no big deal".  I am faking it.  (Or I used to be faking it.  Now it is my reaction naturally when my kids come to me with a disaster they have to inform me of, or some accident happens, because it is an established habit.)  After I say "its no big deal", I get to cleaning up or redirecting or whatever.  If I am very upset I step away and take a quick deep breath.  Then I return to the situation and force a calm face.  I try to remember that I want my child to remember that I would react calmly and compassionately.  I have actually retrained myself this way.

A simple phrase and procedure at the ready for when things happen.

When I used to have regular, uncontrolled rage, I wore a rubber band on my wrist.  When I felt the wave of rage coming, I would snap the rubber band and change my behavior.  Not "try" to change my behavior, but change it.  [/quote]

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