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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OK- OP one final time- I drafted a letter. I left out any hit of judgment and didnt call her out on anything but I hit the major points. Does this look good?

Dear "Katy",

I understand friendships come and go. I had genuinely hoped that my caring and ideas based on the experiences of others, as well my own, would be of help to you. I really cared and really tried. I can see you tried to be friends as well. And I appreciate that.

We may not ultimately be compatible as friends, but that doesn't mean I cannot see the good and bad in your situation. I understand you feel your challenges are unique, as do we all when we face the hardest of times. My biggest worry is that you are reaching a breaking point. Its something you have been saying yourself on and off for a few years now.

Based on my direct personal experience with my husband, seeking the help of a really good therapist and considering real treatment for depression and anxiety can turn a persons life around. Ive seen it too many times to dismiss. Its hard to admit that help is needed, but in your case, "Timmy" depends on you so completely that you truly cannot afford to break down.

"Timmy" deserves to see the best qualities his mom has to offer, and you also deserve to enjoy your own strengths and positive qualities. I believe you can build a better life for yourself like you have said you want to. But I think you need smart and savvy help from a professional who knows what they are doing. They are out there. Your job's insurance is the best place to begin.

Wishing you the best,

[/quote]

OP, the best and most compassionate way to let someone go is to let them go.  This isn't letting "Katy" go.  This is saying "I want to say that you have some problems, and I'm going to walk away from you now.  Get help on your own."  How is that even remotely close to compassionate?!  
[b]
You say she's not making contact.  Why can't you just leave her alone?[/b][/quote]

NP here.  I totally agree with this.

Sorry, OP, but a couple of your posts have led me to believe you are one of those people who like to diagnose everyone around you and tell them what kind of help they need.  It sounds like you wanted to be a therapist but didn't and so view yourself as the only sane person around and essential to your friend (the friend you really don't like).

First, if your friend is distancing herself from you, then let her.  Maybe she needs space.  Maybe she has realized that she can't really talk to you or anyone else right now without eventually talking about the problems going on, so it's easier for her to just not call.

Maybe she has reason to be suspicious of people in her life.  You have talked more about the things she does and only alluded to her circumstances, but what you alluded to included being a single mom, emergency room experiences.  Perhaps she has some trauma from relationships past that make it difficult for her to trust people.  Perhaps she feels that because of her current situation people are constantly judging her.  Maybe her child has asked repeatedly why they aren't going on vacation, so when a mom at the pool asks about it, she's on the defensive.

And while therapy is great, it isn't a cure-all.  And it isn't going to suddenly make a person's financial life better, make them afford vacations for their child, et cetera.

If you don't want to hear about her problems or you don't believe what she tells you or you think she is passive-aggressive, then just leave her be.  If she calls, then tell her the truth -- that you don't have energy/time for her right now.  That you have your own things going on and best of luck.

But don't go all sanctimonious and "you really need help," because that's just going to make her feel more defensive.  It's going to make her feel more abandoned and more like the world is constantly judging her and against her.  It will confirm in her mind that, yep, that woman at the pool probably WAS making an insult.

If you don't want to be friends with her, then it is YOUR choice, it is about YOU.  Make it about YOU, not about her.  If you truly want to be compassionate, then you WON"T say, "you're just too crazy.  Go get help.  I'm out."  Instead, you'll just say that you have your own things going on and you don't really have the time or energy right now and leave it at that.[/quote]

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