Reply to My wife doesn't want to work 9-5. Help me.

Forum Index » Money and Finances

Reply to "My wife doesn't want to work 9-5. Help me. "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My wife went through something similar. She was exceptionally torn about staying at work. She quit. We tightened our budgets and agreed that if I was the sole breadwinner then she'd have to get comfortable with that - I can't be home to take care of the kids cause she wants to grab lunch with a friend. She got that.

It was miserable for both of us. She had visions of unicorns shitting rainbows but the truth of it is being a SAHM is more work than going to work. Perhaps more fulfilling but certainly more exhausting. It's not yoga pants and mocha lattes with your girlfriends talking about whether you are on team Bella or some shit, it's sitting around with poopy diapers, dirty dishes, bills, cleaning, drop offs, and 37 seconds a day to quietly cry in a corner. The lack of adult interaction was tough for her.

It was horseshit for me. I'd come home to a flustered and exhausted wife who had little to no energy left to hang out with me, much less anything romantic. She didn't mean to but she got a little resentful I think of my work - two days in Miami for a conference turns into "well that must be nice". She was joking but there was clearly an undercurrent of frustration. That then manifested in my feeling guilty, so I'd try to get out of things at work which was probably not a terribly smart career move at least in the long run.

Money became more of an issue but not in the way we thought it might. Financially we were fine, but my wife felt more guilty doing things like getting a massage or haircut or anything else for herself. I had to push her to do these things anyway, but she always felt like she shouldn't do it, and it became clear she thought she wasn't "contributing" to the household.

She lasted just over a year before she decided to go back. The never ending grind of kids 24/7, the condescending stares from working moms (which you also get from stay at home moms if you work), the self imposed stresses, however silly, of money, the lack of adult interaction, and the difficulty in my job, made it all not worthwhile.

She ended up moving to a non profit with slightly more flexible hours (and a little less pay) and is much happier. The commute from VA probably made it a bit of a wash in terms of time with the kids but mentally it feels different.

My advice: look for alternate options outside of quitting. Part time work, different company, etc. 
[/quote]

I am your wife, OP.  Well not literally but I could be her.  And what PP says above is almost exactly why I haven't quit to stay at home full time.  I started to feel even a tiny bit resentful of DH on my maternity leave.  I think I'd be really depressed as a stay at home mom.  And I can't feel guilty about that.  It just is what it is.  Anyway, I agree with PP that your wife should keep looking for a schedule that feels good to her.  It may not be her dream job but maybe it's worth the trade off now while your baby is young and you're still growing your family. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics