Reply to When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?

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Reply to "When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I cannot imagine what you are dealing with BUT I will tell you this.

Get some goddamn balls and talk to your wife.  1) go to counseling if you want to stay married or 2) divorce.  If your wide has no clue how serious you are about an affair or divorce TELLING HER might help your cause.

Why cant you people talk to one another.  If it doesnt change then leave.  I cannot stand these affair threads.  You all are spineless.[/quote]

OP here.  Talking it out again is good in theory, but does it actually work?  I mean, are there honestly people who have low libidos that had no idea their spouse was deeply unhappy with 1-2x per month sex despite multpile conversations in the past about it?  Do you really want your spouse telling you "I will divorce you if you won't have more sex"?  I can't imagine her low drive is going to naturally respond to the pressure of sex vs. divorce.

I am not trying to be flippant, she knows I am deeply unhappy about it, but probably doesn't realize I am seriously considering divorce.  But if you know of someone who actually talked their way into a better sexual relationship, I am all ears.[/quote]

Wife here again.  If DH came to me and said we have to have more sex or I'm going to start divorce proceedings, I'd be very sad.  But I would understand.  Sex is part of a marriage.  It's a part I don't like and I'm not every going to like it to the degree he does.  It's not fair to him to not get his part of the deal.  I might be able to muster up the willingness to have sex more often for a few months, but then I'd regress and we'd be right back where we are now.  And I'm not sure how he would feel if he knew we were having sex just so he wouldn't divorce me.  Whether or not I agree to have sex doesn't change if I WANT to have sex.  At that point, I'd just be going through the motions.[/quote]

Another wife here. This was exactly the thought process I went through, and decided I didn't want my H having sex with me out of duty.  An affair made so much sense. [b] I became calmer because I was being desired and receiving physical pleasure and H was much less tense around me, knowing I wouldn't push him for sex more than every week or ten days.[/quote][/b]

OP here, I know this sounds like rationalization, but there is a part of me that thinks a discreet affair is kinder to my DW than pushing forward with a divorce.  She is a SAHM, she says she is happy in the marriage.  Isn't it better to find a way to pull this off and still be a good husband and father?  Would she really want her world blown apart, have to be one of the few divorced women in the mom's club, etc. just so I can be "honest" with her?  Seems like one way to look at this is a discreet affair is easier to her than it would be to me to the the "right" thing and divorce her.[/quote]

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