Reply to disliking in-laws who aren't all that dislike-able

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just want to say how refreshing you are, OP!  It's not often on this site that people acknowledge their part of an issue.  I think your self-awareness and desire to make changes will serve you well!  Hugs![/quote]

12:39 again.  I forgot to add that I'm in a similar position with my ILs.  I focus on allowing myself to not be responsible - that is, my DH is responsible for his relationship with his parents, I'm not responsible for them having a good time, being entertained, getting their preferred food, etc.  I offer suggestions to my DH and am always civil/polite/respectful but I don't take any ownership of their visit.  It's helped my sanity tremendously.[/quote]
I understand that your DH is responsible for his relationship with them, but why would you not want to take any ownership for visitors in your home, visitors to whom you are related? My own  mom can peeve me, but I still want to be sure that she has a good time when she visits. No, that doesn't mean breaking my back or going to extreme lengths, but still...
Do you not want to have more than a polite relationship with your IL'S or is that impossible for some reason?[/quote]

I had the same reaction to this post. While it's certainly reasonable not to take ownership, they are guests in your house and part of being a good host is attempting to make them comfortable and their visit enjoyable. Plus they are your DH's parents. You can't trouble yourself to think up a fun activity or grab something at the market that you know will please them? That's thoughtless and uncaring, in my opinion, especially if they're "benign", as this thread describes. I don't take ownership of my IL's visits but I work together with my DH to make them comfortable, and he does the same for my family.[/quote]

If my ILs are as 'benign' as this thread describes, why wouldn't my DH's efforts not be sufficient? How many DHs  'think up fun activiites or grab something at the market that [they] know will please [their] ILs?  I'd wager not many.  I am polite to my ILs and they are welcome in our home but my DH is responsible for them as I am responsible for my family visitors. Too many people assign women the role of relationship caretakers.  I don't accept that role.  If you don't want to alienate your future DILs, I suggest you re-think your expecations.[/quote]
To say women are too often assigned the role of caretakers, yet you stereotype and assume men take no role in family visits?
Isn't that a contradiction?
For what it is worth , in my household,we both work on making family visitors feel welcome, even when neither of us feels like it. 
It so happens we both feel like everyone is family, regardless of who gave birth to whom.[/quote]

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