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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OK need to clarify a few things- she just turned 17 last week and he is turning 19. So they are really 2 years apart.Assuming they are not having sex, and I don't think they are, this will give them ample opportunity, and yes they are alone here and there but when he comes to our house or her to his someones always around. In this case the parents are big golfers and will be gone most of the day (so the mother told me) and to various functions at night and she specifically said they are welcome to join them but she doesn't' think they will want to.

My H is adamant about not reneging on this, he is being very stubborn. Really doesn't think its a big deal. I know its me being paranoid but sub consciously when I mentioned his size and "manliness:"[b] I guess I was just thinking if things got heated one night when no one is home and she didn't' want to take things to the next level and he did,that would really scare me. [/b]He in fairness seems like a great level headed kid but a hormone driven teen in the prime of his youth, all bets are off.

So have no idea how to handle this.[/quote]

OP, I understand your concern. You have several problems:
1. You and DH are not on the same page. Given your concern about rape, why does your DH not know of your fear? (it could be because of his gender. Men simply don't think/worry about these things. Don't tell me you have NEVER brought the topic of rape up with DH?)

2. You are overly concerned about rape. I get it, it's your daughter. I have 2 and I have a concern about that, and when they are old enough I will address it with them. Did you ever talk to your daughter about rape? Rape can happen at any time, any place and any male could be a rapist. (Not saying all men are or even most men are, just pointing out the fact that a stranger can attack a woman jogging in a park or in her home.) She should be aware of where she is and what is going on. She should also realize that NO means NO and Yes means Yes.

3. Have you discussed sex/bc/pregnancy with her? At 17, she really should be on BC if she is sexually active. Don't think your little girl isn't, because she probably is. Have you discussed with her STDs and talked to her about what happens if she gets pregnant?

4. Do you think an "average" man couldn't overpower your daughter? Generally speaking, men are stronger than women. If you were so worried about rape, have you had your daughter take any self defense classes?

5. I hope you are not teaching your daughter that all men are potential rapists. But she should know that there are rapists out there and she needs to use common sense to be safe.

Personally, I think she should go, since your DH already gave her permission. If you decide she can't go, DH needs to be the one to tell her and explain WHY.
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