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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]At a little over $100k, you can afford to make the basement live able.[/quote]

...for $170k total, we have student loans, a house nobody helped us with, utilities, cell phone bills,  a non-luxury car and 2 kids in daycare, 1 with aftercare and activity expenses. We would have to renovate the basement completely while we are saving to try to buy a bigger house for the two of us and our kids. And I do not want my mother to live with us. She can take care of herself for the most part, but she won't. She has to find a long term solution bc this just isn't it. Disrupting our plans to renovate the basement actually enables her to continue to rely on us and not work through reality. [/quote]

OP, I agree with you. You and DH have to go on with your lives.  Unfortunately, your mother has led an irresponsible life and expects you to enable her to continue.  Although you will continue to worry about her as any adult child would, you will be less stressed and can care for your family like you need to once she is gone.  They need you.  You can't help your mother.  For her to lean on an adult child as a result of her poor decisions is, frankly, shameful.[/quote]

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