Reply to Ways to make life move forward when everyone else is having babies and you aren't and probably won't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP Have you really thought about life without kids -- outside of the context of infertility? I look back on our life before kids -- we had them late -- after years of trying. We were extremely busy and had lots of fun. We traveled. We biked. We went to the country. We spent weeks at the beach (telecommuting) We entertained, sailed, fished, hiked, ate gourmet dinners whenever we felt like it. Took the boat out, rode our horses, visited family, entertained, maintained a second home... Do we sound rich? We weren't -- we just did not have kids.
I know the desire to have kids is a strong one, but there is defiantly a full life without them -- if only you can perceive it. With kids, life is very regimented, it is a lot of work, and a 22 year commitment. Also expensive. You really need to have child free friends to understand what life can be without kids. Just a thought...[/quote]

I wrote this. I don't mean to say that I was not in pain at the time. I was in great pain and half the time did not really enjoy much of anything. I cried a lot. But moving around, doing something is better than not doing anything. (at least for me) It is a terrible life pain -- a grief that can so easily turn into depression. I have to say that being an "auntie" was not really an option. I found that the friends with little children were very absorbed and protective of their time and involvement with their kids and that is was very painful to be around them. It seemed like their whole LIVES turned around those kids. We did have children (finally! so late in life...) and now, nearly 18 years later, I can say that we would have been OK without kids. But that was certainly not our perspective at the time. 
OP, all I can say is be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to heal.[/quote]

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