Reply to Ways to make life move forward when everyone else is having babies and you aren't and probably won't

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry, but this shows me that you really don't get it.  Attending birthday celebrations and school performances and having lunch with children of friends and relatives is great, but it doesn't even come close to filling the desire to be a mother, a parent -- to have a role in a child's life where you are making significant decisions about how they are raised.  To suggest that somehow women who want to be mothers but can't are going to feel better because their friend or relative lets them come to all of the birthday parties and graduations is kind of naive.

I'm sure you mean well, but my sense is that OP posted to get responses from women who can't have children and have moved on, because they understand what I've written above and have figured out a way to come to terms with it.

I'm not suggesting your son's godfather isn't special to you, but to suggest that that role comes anywhere near filling a void of not having your children is naive.  And while I'm sure you trust your son's godfather and would leave your children with him, I highly doubt you consult with him on big parenting decisions.  And I'm not saying you should.  But the difference between liking children and wanting to have children is the people who want to have children want to have that kind of a role -- of a parent.  And to infertile women, there's something sort of offensive about this idea that somehow being invited to all of the events is enough pretend parenting to fill a void in their lives.

Again, I know you mean well.  But I think your (well-intentioned though it may be) response is part of the reason why, at least for a while, infertile women who are coming to terms with not having children have to distances themselves a bit from people with kids, because they get a lot of suggestions like this and it kind of makes it all feel worse.[/quote]

I agree with every word in this[/quote]

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