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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You clearly prefer "fun" FIL and his wonderful new wife.  No wonder MIL is jealous.

Her feelings are her feelings.  You can't fix them, and she has a good reason for them.  She has good reason to feel slighted - it's not that you're not going out of your way to spend time with her, it's that you prefer her ex's new wife.  You can't fix that, and you can't fix her feelings of understandable envy.  And maybe she can't fix herself to be as appealing to you, or doesn't know how, or isn't willing.

But she sounds like a loving grandmother.  Not all grannies read books and play with rattles.  Just holding is fine.  And no one owes you dinners to be made for you.  It's lovely that you go visit, and it's fine that you stay at a bigger house.

Live with your feelings, and let her live with hers.[/quote]

Your points are very smart and I agree with most of them.  At the end of the day we've all got to try our best to be kind and be able to live with ourselves.  What I don't agree with in your post (and others) is the seeming acceptance of "jealousy." I'm sure we've all experienced it firsthand and, in most of us, it is probably a fleeting emotion that we have appropriate coping mechanisms for, i.e. logic and a rational thought process.  However, displaying symptoms of jealousy, especially as an adult, is a sign of a deeper insecurity at best.  I think it is troubling when an adult cannot contain the green-eyed monster.  Also--can we stop referring to the SMIL as the "new" wife? She's been on the scene for 25 years! My guess is that FIL and SMIL have been married longer that FIL and MIL were.  Anyway, if MIL is displaying jealousy after 25 years I think the odds are that she's been riding the bitter bus for a long time and is probably unpleasant to be around.  No, not all grannies read books and play with rattles...but I think the "just holders" are kinda strange and focused on themselves! (I'll disclose my bias here: I have a MIL who does not/cannot engage with my baby and wants to just hold her.  During the first 3 months it didn't matter.  When the baby started responding to others it was odd and awkward to watch my MIL hold only and not offer any stimulation.  Now, at 10 months, it is downright painful to watch my MIL try to keep my wriggling crawler in her arms and wonder why the baby won't come to her.  I've suggested that MIL get down on the floor with baby and play/read books/roll her favorite ball/play her favorite musical toys but she won't do any of it. Sigh.)   [/quote]

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