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[quote=Anonymous]Like one PP said, start photocopying everything - bank statements, tax returns,retirement accounts, any asset or debt you can think of. VA is a 50/50 state of assets and debts accumulated while married.

Even with a lot of assets, don't use the lawyer as a therapist. They bill for everything. Get yourself into individual counseling for your own sanity. Think of what you can for your separation and divorce agreement (you'll have to be separated 1 yr to file for divorce). Things like visitation on holidays, bdays, special occasions. Extra curricular activities expenses, college (far away but won't need to modify later on), copay, first right if refusal (if X has kids but can't watch them, you get first dibs to watch not who he chooses). I have in mine no members of the opposite sex that is not family can spend the night when the kids are present. Tax return dependent deductions, vacation schedules. If you gave divorced friends, get info from them.

I've been there with 2 really young kids and the shock is overwhelming. You'll go through the stages of grief. It's normal. Most cheaters have the same MO/ he probably made you feel like you were crazy or jealous. It's typical. Most are narssistic living in a fantasy world. If he's still with the OW, don't fret because when real life sets in on them, the thrill and excitement of their "secret" will fade away and they'll be just another boring couple until you STBX cheats again :0

Best of luck. Things will get better over time. [/quote]

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