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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have two adopted children. We are white, as is my eldest. Our younger child, who is two, is of a different race. Thus, she doesn't resemble me or my husband in any visible manner. My SIL, who I have never liked for various reasons, was in town with my brother for Memorial Day weekend. She referred to our youngest as an [b]"honorary family member." I was extremely angry, but made myself shut up[/b] for the sake of family peace on the holiday weekend. I am still livid and I don't want her to be around me or my daughter until she has reformed. The issue is July 4th, which we always look forward to spending with my brother, his wife, and my parents. I don't want to go. Am I overreacting? WWYD in this situation?[/quote]

You are underreacting. There is no sense in which your CHILD is an honorary family member.  You should speak up for your child--your nuclear family is more important than your extended family and you should defend your nuclear family when your extended family threatens it, which is what your SIL is doing.

I am from a stepfamily and know this dynamic well. Your daughter is being made to feel like she is a second class family member. If you don't want her to feel this way around your extended family you need to NIP THIS IN THE BUD. Do not avoid July 4. Go, and hope she says it again in front of everybody, so you can take the opportunity to defend your child and your family.

"SIL, I have to stop you right there. DD is not an 'honorary family member.' She is as much a member of this family as you are. It is love that makes families, not genetics. Your opinions are your own, but I hope to never, EVER hear you belittle DD's position in this family again."[/quote]

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