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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]adult adoptee here.  I would move to nip this behavior in the bud as soon as possible.  I was never made to feel part of the family that I was adopted into, and as a result, I haven't had much to do with them after I graduated HS[/quote]

This, OP.

I have an evil SIL, and I can imagine her saying something like that. She's an insensitive, racist b**ch, but she's married to my brother, whom I do actually love.

The right time to say something would have been at the time, OP, but perhaps your children were within hearing and you didn't want to embarrass them further?

I would contact your brother and tell him that you are very upset by SIL's comment, and that you don't want to be around them unless she can promise never to say something like that again.

If you can call your SIL directly, do so, or email her if you can't bear to face her. My SIL is such a two-faced, lying b**ch that she would deny ever having said any such thing, or would laugh and say she was "just joking" and never deal with it. But that's my SIL. Yours might be able to handle hearing from you that her comment was completely inappropriate and shaming to your child, who is as much a member of your family as anyone else, no matter how s/he looks. And you must tell SIL that she is forbidden to say anything like her inappropriate comment ever again to you or any member of your family. If she balks, then tell her politely that you can't allow your children around her because you do not want them to be hurt by her inability to control her racist behavior.

Ugh, OP. Sorry you have such a bad SIL, but I do empathize. My racist SIL would make such a comment. She is the person who still has those black jockeys in her house holding trays (you know what I mean?) and thinks they are kitchy and funny. Ha ha! She's from the South and is horrible. I'm a Yankee. I don't know how my brother stands her, but he does. [/quote]

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